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Family or irrelevant charity?; don't they make grateful kids, anymore?
By Wendy Belzberg
A: Unless your sister is asking you to support a Neo-Nazi group or an organization that directly conflicts with your principles or beliefs, you can't go wrong being charitable.
Certainly you don't have to donate more nights than you usually do but denying your sister's request for a charitable contribution in order to make a point about her job - or about your difficult relationship -- may not be the very best way to handle either. How about this novel idea: Talk to her.
Q: What is the protocol on turnaround time for thank you notes from Bar and Bas Mitzvahs? I gave gifts to 2 girls for their Bas Mitzvahs around two months ago and have not received a thank you note from either one. What would you recommend if I never receive a thank you note?
A: It is nice to extend some slack to 12 and 13 year olds. They may have arrived at the age of womanhood and manhood, respectively, according to Jewish law, but they are still very much children in their habits and manners. And plenty of adults could be tarred with the delinquent thank-you brush.
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Q: My sister, with whom I have a difficult relationship, works full-time for a charity, which I think little of. She has asked me to donate to her charity a five-night stay in a resort that I own. I donate room nights often, but there is no PR upside from her group, and five nights is twice as much as I usually give anyhow.
That said, you should have received 2 thank you notes within weeks of sending off the gifts. But kids today --- and the parents who raise them --- appear to be less than well-versed in proper etiquette. As for what to do if a note never comes? Consider my dilemma: I recently received a Bas mitzvah thank you note which said: Thank you for the necklace. Period. Is it better to receive no note at all or to receive one so utterly devoid of substance or style that you think even worse of the Bas Mitzvah and her family? My recommendation: leave your expectations at the door when you go out to collect the mail.
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