Small-city guys, self-centered siblings
By Wendy Belzberg
http://www.jewishworldreview.com --
I am not Jewish but very much enjoy Jewish World Review. I am a highly
eligible single man, very attractive, in almost every way (save the amount of
money I make, though I do have great long-term investments). I live in Santa
Barbara, an area that is long on beautiful people yet short on substance,
mostly due to its resort/retirement status and lack of economic opportunity.
I find it difficult to meet the kind of women that I would like. The most
obvious solution is to move to a more dynamic environment like San Francisco
or New York. But I like living here. What do you suggest I do?
Before you do anything rash like move back to a big city, try this:
Pack Your Bags You're Moving West -Very good-looking man (add age, height,
interests, etc.) seeks dynamic, sexy, substantive single (add other personal
preferences here.). Willing to relocate to Santa Barbara a must.
Photo/position paper on what constitutes substance/phone.
If a personal ad placed in New York Magazine by a bachelor living in
Alaska yielded hundreds of responses, how hard can it be to find someone who
wants to live in sunny Santa Barbara? Beware, however, long-term exposure to
sun and retirement mentality has been proven to cause substance-decay in the
young and intellectually curious.
* * * Last year my sister and I gave birth to children within a few months of each
other. Her lifestyle is exactly as it was--running around all day, partying
all night, baby in tow. I stay home and raise my daughter. I keep hoping
that as my nephew grows, he will become less of an accessory and that my
sister and her husband will truly bond with him. My sister is my best friend
and we always looked forward to raising our children together. I never
guessed we would have such fundamental philosophical differences. I worry
that I am losing respect for her and in the process damaging our relationship.
Your sister may or may not end up being a different kind of parent than
you, but the proof is in the pudding, as they say, and your puddings won't be
ready for many years to come.
Parenting styles differ widely. Unless you have heard it from your
sister's lips, how do you know she has not bonded with her son? If one day
her son draws on your walls with lipstick, is wild and uncontrolled, that would be a problem and would
undoubtedly put a strain on your friendship with your sister-and perhaps
prove your point about her parenting skills. But the same woman may be a very
different mother when her infant becomes a toddler. Until then, you have no
idea what your sister is like as a parent or what that parenting may yield.
Finally, don't forget that that child your sister has in tow is your
nephew. If she does turn out to be inept as a mother, he will need you even
07/21/00: When a child takes religion seriously, marriage obsession, and guests who just don't get it
07/14/00: Divorcing brother-in-law, uncampy kids, and a dot.comer who makes it big time
07/07/00: Hypocrites, reality checks, and the 'real estate challenged'