Ask Wendy

Jewish World Review March 12, 2001 / 17 Adar 5761

Passover party-pooper;
slapped by a moral dilemma

By Wendy Belzberg -- My ten year-old daughter attends Hebrew school at our Reform synagogue. She recently reported that her religion teacher said that the Passover miracles never happened and that she saw a TV show "proving" that the splitting of the Red Sea was the result of a volcanic eruption. The teacher intends to show the video to the class. Meanwhile my daughter is distraught and feels that she won't enjoy the Seder this year thinking that the story of Passover is a fraud. I'm not sure what to do.

This teacher has unwittingly offered you an opportunity to impress upon your daughter how dramatically different people's beliefs can be. She is entitled to her point of view. (Even though she should never have been allowed within a mile of your daughter's Hebrew school class-or any other Hebrew school class for that matter.) Your daughter is old enough to maintain, even defend, her own beliefs in the face of opposing ones. She may not (yet) be able to shoot back that there is as much "proof" for the "volcano theory" as there is for the biblical explanation of events, but your daughter must learn to follow her own compass--religious or moral--no matter how much external pressure is applied. Ask your daughter whom she believes, her parents and grandparents, or her teacher? Then get to work rekindling your daughter's faith.

As for the teacher, speak to her directly just in case your daughter somehow misunderstood the message. If there was no misunderstanding then, before the teacher can play the video and ruin Passover for the rest of the class, speak to the Director of the Hebrew School and demand the teacher's resignation. The director is also culpable and should be called to task for not having properly vetted her staff. To all you Hebrew School directors out there: class is in session. Do you know what your teachers are teaching?

I was at the supermarket yesterday and saw a mother slap her child hard across the face. I was horrified but I did nothing. What should/could I have done?

In a black and white world the answer to your question is simple: keep moving because it's none of your business. How would you feel if a perfect stranger stopped you in the supermarket and offered unsolicited advice about how you disciplined your child? Or, about the hazards of the junk food in your shopping cart? There are a lot of parents who still believe that spanking is the best way to teach a child a lesson they will not soon forget.

However, I will say that certain actions call for a reaction: you might not stop someone loading junk foods into her shopping cart, but it is your moral obligation to stop someone who is stealing them. A "potch" may be about teaching your child a lesson; a solid slap is about a parent who is out-of-control. We've all been there, but as parents we are meant to model for our children that we can use our words instead of our hands, fists or teeth. Specialists long ago determined that spanking should not be used as a form of discipline. And finally, if you had any reason to suspect this child may be a victim of child abuse, it is your moral obligation to report the mother.

Short of following the mother around to determine if her behavior was an exception or the rule, I would have looked the mother in the eyes, reminded her she should pick on someone her own size, and continued on to the frozen food section.

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02/14/01: Human 'mutts,' getting over it, same-sex kesubas
02/08/01: Bar/bat mitzvah blues, homework he-l, from potty to potty-mouth
01/24/01: Naughty neighbor, unprofessional colleague is dead, I'm a Jew, now what?
01/15/01: Rabbis who won't; when the rules of the 'game' change; ungracious grannies
01/08/01: My kid hates Hebrew school; Stay single or abandon heritage?
01/02/01: A Jewish Grinch? Baby bigots and when grandparents call it quits
12/18/00: Babes in Chanukah Land; my husband the kvetch; bad hair marriage?
12/04/00: My niece is a no-goodnik, when lifecycle events become dangerous, Orthodox v. Reform education
11/28/00: My ex is ruining my kids' souls; the mouth that won't stop
11/21/00: Battling brothers; how to keep a nanny
11/08/00: OY VEY! my son wants to become Orthodox; kiddies should avoid family therapy
11/08/00: Rabbi v. therapist, grandparents bearing gifts, I want my son's teacher for a sister-in-law
10/24/00: Let him enlist?, 'My son the actor'? Eating with the 'help'
10/10/00:Tipsy teens, protective spouses, kosher common-sense
10/03/00: I'm not Jewish --- not that there's anything wrong with it; mezuza machlokes; when granddad has cancer
09/25/00: I can't take Rosh Hashanah! Something for nothing? My husband needs a dinner mate
09/18/00: 'My kids' Jewish education stinks', boyfriend bandit, and single mother not by choice
09/11/00: Bris brouhaha breaks my heart, LET ME SLEEP! --- and Why can't I hold a job?
09/05/00: Righteous anger, 'dissed' daughter --- and how not to make a match
08/21/00: When one spouse becomes more religious than the other; "But the cleaning lady is part of the family!"; Why He invented 9-month gestation periods
08/21/00: 'Fessing up to granny about abandoning one's people, non-kosher sis-in-law, and 'my niece is marrying a loser'
08/14/00: Marrying 'in' for questionable motivations; Should a do-gooder be reimbursed?
08/07/00: Communing with the clouds, betrothal, and banishing bosses
07/28/00: Small-city guys, self-centered siblings
07/21/00: When a child takes religion seriously, marriage obsession, and guests who just don't get it
07/14/00: Divorcing brother-in-law, uncampy kids, and a dot.comer who makes it big time
07/07/00: Hypocrites, reality checks, and the 'real estate challenged'


© 2001, Wendy Belzberg