Ask Wendy

Jewish World Review July 2, 2003 / 2 Tamuz, 5763


Should child with no business acumen inherit one?; baby shower after birth


By Wendy Belzberg


http://www.jewishworldreview.com | Q: I own a business that I inherited from my father. I have 3 children: 2 of them have chosen other careers and the third has thrown in his lot with me. The problem is that he appears to have no business acumen and I would rather sell the company than see him run it in to the ground. On the other hand, if I am retired, or dead, does it really matter what happens to the business? Should I avoid any confrontation and let things continue as they are?

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A: I recognize that to you the family business may be synonymous in your heart and mind with your father and his hard work. But don't confuse what is best for his business and what is best for your son. Whether you are retired or deceased, your job is still to be the very best parent that you can. Which means doing everything to make sure that your son succeeds in life. What happens to the business after you are done is a matter of ego; what happens to your son is your legacy.

Talk to your son openly and honestly about your concerns, and set concrete business goals that leave no room for interpretation. If he meets his goals then perhaps it is time for you to acknowledge you may have misjudged him. If not, it is time for him to recognize that his strengths may lie elsewhere. Sell the business and split the profits 3 ways. Your other 2 children will not be "penalized" by your son's inability to manage their share of your business, and you can feel easy about having done what is best for your son. If he goes into another business with his inheritance--and loses it--it is no longer on your head.

Finally, how many times do I have to say it? Families should not be compromised by family businesses. This one is up there with do unto others. Still we spend our lives defying it.

Q: My sister-in-law has generously offered to throw me a baby shower. I have always thought that, according to Judaism, baby showers are prohibited. Also, I thought I was supposed to wait until the birth to bring any baby gifts into my home. What is the proper etiquette and how do I address this diplomatically with my sister-in-law?

A: It is customary to have a baby shower after the baby is born — not before. And while this is a uniquely Jewish order, the logic involved is unassailable. No one goes to the hospital to deliver a baby expecting complications. But they do happen. More than once I have seen a woman who has carried to term return from the hospital without a child.

To then face a full nursery, with baby clothing hanging in the closet and a rocking chair swaying in the corner, is more than any grieving mother should have to bear. Explained this way, your sister-in-law will fully understand the custom — superstitious and old world and overly cautious though it may sound — not to have a shower until the baby is born.

After you deliver a healthy baby, however, let the party begin. There is a lovely bonus with this system too: the newborn can attend, and his mother can drink in the compliments.


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© 2002, Wendy Belzberg