Jewish World Review April 20, 2001 / 27 Nissan, 5761
http://www.jewishworldreview.com -- SOME crazy things in the news lately. Did you hear that Barbra Streisand wants to start her own cable television channel and staff it with only liberal Democrats? It sounds like a set-up for a joke, but it’s true. I guess she’d call it the B.S. news network or something. “All Lefties, all the time.” I thought we already had that? It’s called CNN.
Remember “The Black Panthers?” Well, now they’re calling themselves “The New Black Panthers.” I suppose next it’ll be “The New, Improved Black Panthers.” Anyway, The New Black Panthers have been protesting former President Clinton setting up his office space in Harlem. They say they don’t want him moving into a predominantly black neighborhood. Maybe they think it will hurt property values. Or maybe there’re just looking out for the welfare of their teenage daughters.
Speaking of the past administration, it has been reported that Al Gore (remember him?) has gained over 40 pounds since he lost the presidential election. Wow! I guess there are a lot of calories in crow. I knew Al always wanted to be the biggest man in America -- and at this rate he just might make it. He may have to change his name to Al Gorge.
Now let’s turn to world news. A surgeon was taken to court in Hong Kong for talking on his portable cel phone while he was operating! No kidding! The patient, who was under a local anesthetic, claimed that he could hear the doctor talking to a car dealer for several minutes during the operation. The doctor was found not guilty, but public outcry over the matter has caused the local government to consider passing a law forbidding future cel phone use by surgeons while on the job.
We asked the Chinese to return our service personnel and our plane -- they returned our people but not the aircraft. This shouldn’t surprise anyone who has ever ordered Chinese food -- you NEVER get everything you ask for. We did okay, though. Not only did we get all 24 crew members back, but they threw in a few fortune cookies and about three dozens packets of soy sauce for good measure.
At last, some really good news for lazy, non-athletic types like me. Reuters reports that a German scientist, Professor Peter Axt, is actually claiming that laziness is good for you. “People who would rather laze in a hammock instead of running a marathon or who take a midday nap instead of playing squash have a better chance of living into old age.” He says that research has shown that people who run long distances into their 50’s are using up energy they need for other purposes. “They suffer memory loss and risk premature senility.”
Professor Axt also put down early rising, saying that getting up too soon leaves people stressed for the whole day. And keeping down stress is vital to good health. His prescription is, “Waste half your free time. Just enjoy lazing around.” So, without realizing it, I’ve been leading one hell of a healthy life, I guess. Man, is this guy my kind of doctor, or what?
I hear that Jane Fonda has found Jesus and dumped Ted -- in that order. I have no
other comment on that. You can make up your own
JWR contributor Greg Crosby, former creative head for Walt Disney publications, has written thousands of comics, hundreds of children's books, dozens of essays, and a letter to his congressman. You may contact him by clicking here.
04/13/01: Drummed Out of the Mickey Mouse Club