Jewish World Review April 11, 2000 /7 Nissan, 5760
Greg Crosby
Gripe, Gripe, Gripe
http://www.jewishworldreview.com --
I’M TOLD (by my wife, who certainly should know) that my writing sometimes comes off
grumpy and angry sounding. It may be so, but it really isn’t my intention to be grumpy and
angry. I mean, I don’t wake up in the morning and say, “Gee, what can I gripe about now?”
Actually when sitting down to write I make a conscious effort to be carefree, jovial,
and happy-go-lucky. I put a big smile on my face and with a twinkle in my eye I think happy
thoughts and sing a merry little tune to myself as I type. Tra-la, tra-la, tra-la! Wheeee!
Oh, joy!
Well, forget about it! If you believe that, I know a bridge in Brooklyn that you might
be interested in purchasing. Fact is, try as I might to curb my curmudgeon tendencies, I can’t
do it. The people and events of the world around me simply won’t let it happen. Things just
aggravate me, and that’s all there is to it. For example ...
-
Monica Lewinski doing schtick on Saturday Night Live, being the national spokesperson
for a weight loss company, and generally having a lucrative career based on the fact that she
was Clinton’s slut.
- Checkers in stores that open up another cash register and don’t take the next
person in line.
- The new television rating system which actually helps the kids who are looking
for the raunchy, violent shows find them more easily.
- Any time Clinton opens his mouth.
- Drivers who know how to operate a cel phone but don’t have a clue when it
comes to turn signals.
- Six Starbucks stores within a four block radius.
- People who cannot understand the English language being allowed to vote and
take driving tests. (Seems to me if you can’t understand English, you can’t make
intelligent decisions regarding English speaking candidates and complicated
ballot measures. Similarly, how can you drive carefully and obey traffic rules on the
road, when all of the freeway, street signs, and other directions are in
English?)
- Any adult man who isn’t a catcher on a baseball team wearing his hat backwards.
- Tip jars suddenly appearing on the counters of establishments that offer no service
whatsoever.
- Poll-driven politicians who will do or say anything to further their own ambitions
regardless of the consequences to anyone else.
- Being put on hold for five minutes or more by somebody who has another call on
“call waiting”.
- Television news
- Solicitors who call you at home in the evening and ask for you by your first name,
as if they’re old pals of yours.
- ATM machines that are out of cash when the bank is closed.
- Waiting in line ...for anything.
- Wives that say their husbands’ writing sometimes comes off grumpy and angry
sounding.
JWR contributor Greg Crosby, former creative head for Walt Disney publications, has written
thousands of comics, hundreds of children's books, dozens of essays, and a
letter to his congressman. You may contact him by clicking here.
04/05/00: Counting the Race Cards
03/30/00: Speed Bumps
03/22/00: The Eyes Have It
03/15/00: Academia and Media --- They’re Just Not Right
03/09/00: Sweat The Small Stuff -- It’s Okay
03/02/00: Actors And Other Animals
02/23/00: Campaign 2000 --- Wake Me When Its Over
02/15/00: Who Wants to be Regis Philbin?
02/08/00: Aftermath of a Tragedy
01/31/00: Ask Mr. Politically Correct Man
01/25/00: I’d Like To Thank All The Little People
01/20/00: Merger Mania
01/11/00: Just Say JA-GWAAR
01/04/00: Who Was That Masked Man? My Hero!
12/28/99: New Millennium --- New Rules
12/21/99: Bubba’s Visit From Saint Nick
12/14/99: Call Me Mister
12/08/99: So Much Going On, So Little Time
11/30/99: Sunday Afternoon
11/22/99: The Best Money Can’t Buy
11/15/99: My Peter Pan Generation
11/08/99: Fall Invasion
10/29/99: When my wife was young and Gay
10/22/99: Too Late for Dinner
10/15/99: Pondering, Musing and Supposing
10/05/99: A Message From Your Journalistic Human Interest Commentator
09/24/99: The Getting Away With It Decade
09/17/99: The Scoop of the Century
09/09/99: Important Millennium Advisory
09/03/99: Ask Mr. Politically Correct Man
08/26/99: Broadcasters, Please mind Your Manners
08/19/99: The Golden Age of Jerkdom
08/12/99: Dressing Down...and Out
© 2000, Greg Crosby
|