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Jewish World Review Nov. 23, 2000 / 25 Mar-Cheshvan 5761

Greg Crosby

Greg Crosby
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Consumer Reports

Hear Ye! Hear Ye! -- NO SURPRISE that the seven liberal judges (six Democrats, one Independent) which make up the Florida Supreme Court decided to step out of their conventional role of interpreters of the law to take on the role of legislators. In essence, they rewrote the voting laws of their state in order to allow Al Gore and his minions almost another week of vote farming time in three Democratically controlled counties. Al Capone would be proud.

In a prepared statement the court said, "... The laws are intended to facilitate and safeguard the right of each voter to express his or her will in the context of our representative democracy." This has been widely reported.

But in addition to the ballot counting question, the 42-page ruling released by the court included a few other findings which have NOT been widely reported in the mainstream press. Some of those other findings of the Florida Supreme Court are as follows:

"The court also finds that the will of the people must be heard and obeyed whether it be present day or historically. In that regard, then, this court will not seek to dismiss nor to alter the clear and determined will of the vast majority of people living in the fifteenth century who had decided that the world is flat. We support the decision of the majority."

"In a similar context, history has proven that an overwhelming majority of colonists living in America during the eighteenth century DID NOT desire revolutionary war against England. The small, socially elite minority who were the controlling power at the time, pushed for a revolution which overrode the clearly predominant will of the American people. We therefore, in striving to repair this gross injustice inflicted on the people’s will at that time, rule to abolish those documents which have come to be known as, a) The Declaration of Independence, and b) The Constitution of the United States of America. We so do this in the spirit of fairness and to be assured that the voices of all of the people at that time will at last be heard."

"Records and documents have shown to this court that most German people enthusiasticly supported Adolph Hitler in 1933. He was swept into power by an election that gave him a clear and powerful mandate as leader of that nation. This court cannot and will not condemn a process that had plainly respected the will of its people to make their choice in an election process. Indeed, this court recognizes that will, and applauds the German people for doing their duty and casting their votes so that their ‘voices’ could be heard."

"In a recent canvassing of nations in the Middle East, it was found that of all people living in the region, most would prefer to have the Jewish people leave and set up a new homeland somewhere other than in Israel. (Miami-Dade county was suggested as one viable alternative.) In keeping with the wishes of the majority in that region, we, the Florida Supreme Court support the will of the Arab people and move to petition the United Nations to consider other options for a Jewish homeland. The deadline for potential alternatives to be reached by 5 p.m. Sunday or 9 a.m. Monday."

"We find that President Clinton has done an A-1 job as leader of the free world and, therefore, propose that whichever candidate becomes President (after all the hand-counting is done including dimpled chads, freckled chads, spotted chads, and pimpled chads) should nominate William Jefferson Clinton as Worldwide Chancellor in charge of getting in touch with the ‘will of the people’."

"This court finds that we much prefer Al Gore’s hair style (even with the bald spot in the back) to that of Governor Bush."

"After careful deliberation, we have decided that whichever man takes office as President should nominate three of us to the Federal Supreme Court. Okay, Al?"

JWR contributor Greg Crosby, former creative head for Walt Disney publications, has written thousands of comics, hundreds of children's books, dozens of essays, and a letter to his congressman. You may contact him by clicking here.


11/17/00: Gore’s Desperation
11/10/00: It Ain't Over
11/03/00: Read this before you vote
10/27/00: Democratic Big Guns Shoot Blanks
10/20/00: Generation Duh
10/13/00: And the whiner is ...
10/06/00: The Vicious Hollywood Left
09/29/00: Pop Porn
09/22/00: Put On A Tie, Ya Bums!
09/15/00: A sneak peek at The William Jefferson Clinton Presidential Library
09/08/00: The Big Mooseketeer
09/01/00: In Honor of Those Who Never Were
08/25/00: Building a Bridge to the Sixties
08/22/00: Leaks
08/18/00: Sour Grapes
08/11/00: But he’s Jewish!
08/04/00: Aint Nothin’ But A Hound Dog
07/27/00: Trick or Treat
07/21/00: Another Golden Moment In Broadcasting
07/14/00: Who eats this, ahem, 'stuff'?
07/07/00: In Your Face Advertising
06/29/00: My Home Sweet Home
06/23/00: Hairs The Thing
06/13/00: The Sweetest Sounds
06/02/00: Another Opening, Another Show
05/22/00: What's next, The Million Mutt March?
05/19/00: Hail the Conquering Hero
05/12/00: Extra! Read All About It!
05/03/00: Clinton’s Transparent Department of Duplicity and Demagoguery
04/24/00: For The Children?
04/19/00: Liars And Cowards And Bums, Oh My!
04/11/00: Gripe, Gripe, Gripe
04/05/00: Counting the Race Cards
03/30/00: Speed Bumps
03/22/00: The Eyes Have It
03/15/00: Academia and Media --- They’re Just Not Right
03/09/00: Sweat The Small Stuff -- It’s Okay
03/02/00: Actors And Other Animals
02/23/00: Campaign 2000 --- Wake Me When Its Over
02/15/00: Who Wants to be Regis Philbin?
02/08/00: Aftermath of a Tragedy
01/31/00: Ask Mr. Politically Correct Man
01/25/00: I’d Like To Thank All The Little People
01/20/00: Merger Mania
01/11/00: Just Say JA-GWAAR
01/04/00: Who Was That Masked Man? My Hero!
12/28/99: New Millennium --- New Rules
12/21/99: Bubba’s Visit From Saint Nick
12/14/99: Call Me Mister
12/08/99: So Much Going On, So Little Time
11/30/99: Sunday Afternoon
11/22/99: The Best Money Can’t Buy
11/15/99: My Peter Pan Generation
11/08/99: Fall Invasion
10/29/99: When my wife was young and Gay
10/22/99: Too Late for Dinner
10/15/99: Pondering, Musing and Supposing
10/05/99: A Message From Your Journalistic Human Interest Commentator
09/24/99: The Getting Away With It Decade
09/17/99: The Scoop of the Century
09/09/99: Important Millennium Advisory
09/03/99: Ask Mr. Politically Correct Man
08/26/99: Broadcasters, Please mind Your Manners
08/19/99: The Golden Age of Jerkdom
08/12/99: Dressing Down...and Out

© 2000, Greg Crosby