Jewish World Review June 30, 2003 / 30 Sivan, 5763
The Amazing Red Faced J-Lo
This spring, Mme Toussaud's museum added Julia Roberts, Penelope Cruz,
Brad Pitt, and Jennifer Lopez to its collection of waxy replicants. But
the museum also decided to enter the 21st Century in a big way, by
adding interactive components. Cushions have been discreetly installed
in Mr. Pitt's rear, and visitors so inclined are allowed to pinch it.
Well, whatever floats your boat, I guess. It smacks vaguely of
necrophilia to me, but then when it comes to wax museums I'm not usually
looking for a hands-on experience.
More mysteriously, the figure of Jennifer Lopez has been designed so
that she blushes when you whisper in her ear. If the purpose of a wax
figure is to resemble as closely as possible the person it represents,
this seems to defeat the intention, in my opinion. Face it, Jennifer
Lopez is not the blushing type.
If you whispered something untoward in Jennifer Lopez's ear, she strikes
me as the kind of woman who would smack you, not blush at you. More
likely, she'd have somebody from her posse smack you.
Still, this is the kind of strange detail that makes wax museums so
bizarre and entertaining. I remember attending a wax museum here in San
Francisco, where one exhibit contained the likenesses of Adolf Hitler,
Gandhi, and Michael Jackson. I stood in front of it for a good twenty
minutes, trying to fathom what the organizing principle behind this
display could possibly be. The best I could come up with was: They're
The blushing J.- Lo may be random and somewhat bizarre, but it could open
the door to all sorts of new wrinkles for old wax. Blushing J.- Lo could
be joined by Winking Harry Truman, Toe-tapping Churchill, and Weeping
Once the audioanimatronics have been worked out, the wax museum could
add the Nervous Leg Lincoln, Nose Picking Bonaparte, Sneezing Bogart,
and Vlad the Impaler the Juggler. How about the Inappropriate Facial
Tics Gallery, with the likenesses of Gary Cooper, Buster Keaton, and
Calvin Coolidge smirking, sneering, and yawning at timed intervals?
And when the time comes, as I pray it will, that I am immortalized in
wax, I only hope that I am allowed to utter the following words whenever
visitors enter my gallery: "What are YOU looking at?" If not, as long as
they refrain from hissing sweet nothings in my ear, and keep their hands
off my paraffin tush, I will be one contented figurine.
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JWR contributor Ian Shoales is the author of, among others, Not Wet Yet: An Anthology of Commentary. Comment by clicking here.
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© 2003, Ian Shoales