Jewish World Review Dec. 11, 2001 / 26 Kislev, 5762
ONE of the weeklies here in San Francisco, The Bay Guardian, recently
featured a cover story on-- well, not the demise of razor scooters, or the
lessons of dotcoms, or organic anthrax alternatives-- but on knitting.
That's right. Knitting.
Writer Karen Solomon insists that "knitting is hip again and a favorite
among San Francisco hipsters, college students, and cool kids nationwide."
Later in the article, she even concludes that if you... "Tap into San
Francisco's underground knitting scene...you'll find scheduled gatherings in
people's homes, bars, and coffee shops at least a couple of nights a week."
She talks of "old school" knitters, and a group that would meet for
"whiskey-infused knit nights."
I thought this might be one of those jokes we used to have before we went to
war, but there are actual links in the article to the "community fabric of
Well, this is just silly. I don't doubt that people knit. My daughter
knits. Her friends knit. My mom knits. But, in my humble opinion, there is
no such thing as EXTREME KNITTING.
There are no underground knitters. What would be the point? What, are they
terrorist cells? No, they're making mufflers. Little caps. Socks.
Perhaps, if they're very sinister and ambitious, little pet sweaters. There
is nothing underground about it!
Whiskey infused knit nights, indeed. Give me a break. You can't knit on
whiskey. Ask my Mom. That's like asking a spider to make a web on LSD. Ask
What's next, Power Putting Food By? Ecstasy laced sock darning sessions?
Hip hop ironing? Waxing wood surface orgies? Next thing you know, decoupage
will make a comeback, paint-by-numbers, jigsaw puzzles, and pinochle-- strip
I'm telling you, if my mom shows up at the door sporting a tattoo and a ball
of yarn, I'm taking the next bust to Canada.
JWR contributor Ian Shoales is the author of, among others, Not Wet Yet: An Anthology of Commentary. Comment by clicking here.
12/07/01: Conspiracy by the 'fat suit' lobby?
12/04/01: The future of comic books
11/15/01: Literary tips in a jar
11/12/01: The ectoplasm of a ghost economy
11/05/01: Sumner Redstone's passions
10/31/01: My irony
10/29/01: Even in wartime, America can still bring it home
10/25/01: Ad memories
10/17/01: Pathetic me
10/08/01: War time lite
10/01/01: Confessions of a sarcastic scribe
09/11/01: The end of Mom
09/07/01: Boy Loses Girl, Boy Bites Girl, Boy Gets Girl
09/05/01: Virtual elegance?
08/31/01: I COPY, THEREFORE I AM
08/23/01: Radio workout
08/20/01: I robot, you Jane
08/15/01: A wild and crazy world!
08/10/01: When the future was "as real as a dime"
08/08/01: Garage Dearth!
08/06/01: That Big Clock
08/02/01: Stop the pop!
07/31/01: Catchphrase history of the world
07/26/01: The Bride of Science
07/23/01: That java jive
07/17/01: Homogenized hegemony
07/13/01: Applying Newton's First Law of Physics to textbooks
07/10/01: The dumb and the dead
© 2001, Ian Shoales