Ian Shoales
A nation of hypochondriacs?
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com |
Is America is a nation of hypochondriacs? Anecdotal evidence (that is: a
quick look around at my friends) seems to suggest that the answer is
"Yes."
We lug around vitamins, bottled water, and Chinese herbs everywhere we go. We feng shui our wardrobe every six months. We attend weekly acupuncture sessions. Though we live longer than our ancestors did, and longer than most people in most other countries, we are convinced that "western medicine" is plotting to do us in.
And now we worry about toxic mold.
Apparently, toxic mold, a greenish black slimy substance that forms in the damp dark places of our abodes, is being blamed for a riot of maladies including headaches, malaise, flulike symptoms, nausea, swooning, itching, nosebleeds, amnesia, rashes, and the vapors.
I don't mean to make light of those suffering from contact with this nasty stuff, but it does strike me as strange that I didn't even hear about the slimy home invader until a year or so ago. Where was it before that?
Is toxic mold some kind of secret government chemical agent, designed to keep us cowed and sniffly? Is it not of this earth? Could it be one of those weapons of mass destruction we keep hearing about, imported to our shores by a sinister cabal of anti-suburban zealots?
Remember the great asbestos scare from a few years back? People were so terrified that a strand of this stuff would get in their lungs they started tearing up every wall built before 1950. The result? Well, the result was asbestos flying everywhere, creating a greater toxic danger than if we'd just left the stuff alone.
I'm not saying leave toxic mold alone- after all, left to its own devices, it could mutate into one of those gelatinous amoebas that used to devour gas stations in fifties horror movies. But it's been my experience that the direct application of bleach to moldy surfaces works wonders. If you prefer to apply the bleach with a ten foot pole while wearing a HazMat suit, more power to you. If you want to transform an unpleasant household chore into a life-threatening science fiction adventure, I won't stand in your way.
But until I see better evidence to the contrary, as far as toxic mold is
concerned, I say it's mildew, and I say the hell with it.
Enjoy this writer's work? Why not sign-up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Ian Shoales is the author of, among others, Not Wet Yet: An Anthology of Commentary. Comment by clicking here.
12/11/02: Cursed
11/08/02: Good news for skateboarders looking to keep up with world events
11/01/02: "Extreme" annoyance
10/24/02: Snipers are people, too!
10/16/02: Hockey Therapy
10/08/02: Cupid, the parasite
10/03/02: How to have fun in Africa
09/30/02: If you are employed, you're part of the problem
09/25/02: "Up and comers," go away!
09/18/02: Collectibilitized
09/10/02: Monotone felons
08/20/02: Will we soon need a passport to get caviar, duc a la orange, or Polish sausage?
08/14/02: Law and Disorder --- and Starbucks
08/12/02: Rummy's monkey
08/05/02: Time for some real cultural heroes
07/31/02: Yearning for a nostalgic American product that was neither
07/24/02: Voicemail heaven?
07/18/02: At the movies with your friendly neighborhood curmudgeon
07/12/02: King of Kitsch
07/09/02: Musicians' brains
07/01/02: Where's my cow?
06/24/02: Modern record stores can be a scary proposition
06/21/02: Life IS a movie?
06/19/02: Spreading fertilizer on a dictionary to try to raise a novel
06/17/02: Happy cows are really miserable?
06/12/02: Very similar to a rock
06/05/02: Of Humice and Men
05/30/02: Pooches in sharkskin suits and the end of dog tags
05/22/02: We baby boomers used to rule the roost
05/20/02: The Files now Ex
05/14/02: Entangled in Spider-Man's web!?
05/02/02: April Showers May Come Our Yadda Yadda
04/24/02: From child murderer to milk hawker
04/10/02: New realities
03/21/02: You did it your way? I have to kill you now!
03/14/02: IN THIS CORNER … SUSAN LUCCI AND STEPHANIE ZYMALIST!
03/12/02: Life in the warehouse
01/28/02: Shoes and food
01/24/02: Suspension of disbelief has nothing to do with whether we accept something as real or not
01/22/02: Save the Grand Ole Opry?
12/15/01: If you truly want to appeal to the lowest common denominator …
12/11/01: KNITTING!
12/07/01: Conspiracy by the 'fat suit' lobby?
12/04/01: The future of comic books
11/15/01: Literary tips in a jar
11/12/01: The ectoplasm of a ghost economy
11/05/01: Sumner Redstone's passions
10/31/01: My irony
10/29/01: Even in wartime, America can still bring it home
10/25/01: Ad memories
10/17/01: Pathetic me
10/08/01: War time lite
10/01/01: Confessions of a sarcastic scribe
09/11/01: The end of Mom
09/07/01: Boy Loses Girl, Boy Bites Girl, Boy Gets Girl
09/05/01: Virtual elegance?
08/31/01: I COPY, THEREFORE I AM
08/28/01: Buzz!
08/23/01: Radio workout
08/20/01: I robot, you Jane
08/15/01: A wild and crazy world!
08/10/01: When the future was "as real as a dime"
08/08/01: Garage Dearth!
08/06/01: That Big Clock
08/02/01: Stop the pop!
07/31/01: Catchphrase history of the world
07/26/01: The Bride of Science
07/23/01: That java jive
07/17/01: Homogenized hegemony
07/13/01: Applying Newton's First Law of Physics to textbooks
07/10/01: The dumb and the dead