Jewish World Review April 24, 2002 / 13 Iyar, 5762
Now, from beyond the grave, in addition to her child-frightening duties, La Llorona is selling milk.
The latest in the series of "Got Milk?" spots shows La Llorona weeping and wandering through a darkened house, where a man lies sleeping, a book called THE LEGEND OF LA LLORONA on his chest (to clarify events for us non-Latinos in the viewing audience, I guess). She picks up a pastry and goes to the refrigerator, where she sees a carton of milk. She murmurs in delight, "Leche!"
But, of course, the carton is empty-- the cartons are always empty in "Got Milk?" commercials. She begins to wail again, and slams the refrigerator door in our viewing faces.
According to the "Got Milk?" web site, "La Llorona is the first-ever Got Milk? TV ad to target bicultural Latino teens."
Well, I guess bicultural Latino teens need their milk too-- at least those of them who are not lactose intolerant. But even with tongue stuck firmly in cheek, I don't exactly see how an ad featuring a child-murdering phantom is going to move product.
But then again, I'm no marketing expert. Maybe the way to capture those coveted niche is to woo them with monsters. We might see Medusa, for instance, in her lair, enjoying a tasty snack of petrified Greeks, when she discovers she's out of milk. She becomes so upset, she picks up a mirror and turns herself into stone. Or the Sphinx, waylaying a traveler with the riddle, "Got Milk?"
But then again, these are creatures from Greek myths. I don't know how good a market for milk Greeks are, unless it's goat's milk. Cow milk and baclava sounds like a lethal combination to me.
If you really want to target a niche market, me, for example, you might want to try terrorizing me with figures from real life-- telemarketers, say.
Frankly, if I get a phone call during dinnertime, I'd rather be begged for
milk than cash. Besides, I don't have cash, but I do happen to have a half
gallon of two per cent in the fridge, expiration date December 28, 2001.
Give me a call, it's yours.
04/10/02: New realities