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Jewish World Review Dec. 21, 2000 / 24 Kislev, 5761

Ann Coulter

Ann Coulter
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Channeling Jackie O -- ONE FLASHY BOOK deal and Hillary is like a sailor on payday, infected with envy and avarice. Except the thing is: Mad Meg -- the giddiest member of the nouveau rich -- isn't that rich. And she has a lot of debt. That $8 million book deal probably disqualifies Chelsea from any Stanford scholarship she was enjoying, too.

Hillary! seems to be under the illusion that her tawdry book deal can pole-vault her into the East Hampton/Manhattan/Hollywood crowd. The wannabe sex kitten Hil is done channeling frumpy old Eleanor Roosevelt and has moved on to channeling Jackie O.

She's been looking at a Georgetown mansion once owned by Jackie Kennedy's mother and that carries a $4 million price tag. According to New York doormen, Hillary! is also looking for a pied-a-terre in Manhattan.

What is she? A senator or Gwyneth Paltrow? Doesn't she have to work? Hillary seems to think being a senator consists primarily of going to wine parties and Gucci openings. She gets an $8 million book advance and immediately goes out house-shopping with her Hollywood friends.

Someone better explain taxes to America's oldest post-graduate student. After the whopping tax bill on that advance, she can't afford a $4 million house. Hillary has not lived a stable middle-class existence since adolescence. Poor Hil has never owned a home and doesn't understand how money works. She's like a 20-year-old professional athlete who spends all his money as it comes in and ends up in bankruptcy. No real people live like that.

Though Hillary has recently denied rumors about the Chappaqua, N.Y., house being on the market, there are reasons -- apart from her denial -- to think the house is for sale. Hasn't it has already served its purpose, creating the preposterous illusion of Susie Homemaker submitting to a pleasant suburban existence? A credulous bare majority of voters of New York swallowed it. No point in keeping that white elephant any longer.

Hillary!, like Bill, is willing to insult the intelligence of 49 percent of the electorate as long as she can bamboozle 51 percent into voting for her. But unlike Bill, she brazenly puts her contempt for voters on display. After Gov. Clinton lost a re-election bid -- attributed in part to Arkansas voters' reaction to his abrasive harridan of a wife -- Hillary threw feminist caution to the wind and finally took her husband's last name.

Hil remained "Hillary Clinton" through Bill's first presidential campaign. Indeed, she went into headband overdrive when polls showed the "Vote for one, get one free" slogan got on the voters' nerves. Then the very moment the pretense was no longer needed and the gullible saps for whom her appellation mattered had already voted, she announced another name change. On inauguration day, Hillary stated that henceforth she would be called "Hillary Rodham Clinton."

Anyone need a house in Chappaqua? It's going the way of the little woman routine. Hillary is movin' on up.

There are multiple fascinating issues to the newly liberated first lady's psychotic behavior. How it is that the longer Hillary stays close to public service, the richer she gets (and the more illiterate the children in Arkansas become, thanks to her education reforms)?

Then there is the sheer gaudy bribery of this book deal by a company, which -- like every entity in America -- has business before the federal government. (That's why politicians love "targeted" tax cuts.) We have a real Nixon-Slush-Fund-Checkers scandal brewing here. Even poor old Nixon didn't have the entertainment industry funding his retirement.

Who exactly is expected to buy her book? If Hillary acolytes could read, they wouldn't be Hillary acolytes.

Moreover, her entire life has consisted of her lying or stonewalling. So what has she promised to deliver here? Maybe this book could make some money if she would include chapter titles like these: "Where I Hid the Billing Records," "What My Aides Took Out of Vince Foster's Office," "What It's Like to Testify Before a Grand Jury," "Best Velocity for Lamps" and "Hillary's Cattle Futures Trading Tips."

But there won't be. Surely Andrew Morton wrote a more true-to-life account of life in the White House than Hillary is capable of producing, and "Monica's Story" was remaindered after a few months, having sold about half a million copies. At that rate, Simon & Schuster will have to sell Hillary's book for about $75 a copy to turn a profit on it.

Simon & Schuster should have tried to persuade Hillary to tell the truth the same way a couple of investigative reporters got Ted Bundy to open up -- by talking in the third person. She ought to be write a novel about a woman trapped in loveless marriage with a philandering husband and consumed by her own ambitions. That I'd buy.

JWR contributor Ann Coulter is the author of High Crimes and Misdemeanors: The Case Against Bill Clinton. You may visit the Ann Coulter Fan Club by clicking here.


12/14/00: My Court is bigger than your Court
12/11/00: HANG IN THERE, AL!
12/07/00: National Lampoon's Florida Supreme Court Vacation
12/04/00: It's past time for GOPers to quit being good at losing
11/30/00: Things only a Dem will say with a straight face
11/27/00: Certify the electors, then the judges
11/23/00: Kangaroo coup
11/20/00: This is what the Electoral College is supposed to prevent
11/16/00: The liar next time
11/09/00: JUST GO!
11/06/00: Hail Mary past
11/02/00: As the nose grows: The scripture according to Gore
10/30/00: Clinton sure can pick 'em
10/26/00: Gore's 'Nam flashbacks
10/23/00: Courting George Orwell
10/20/00: The three faces of Al
10/17/00: Must Christian conservatives be fascists?
10/13/00: Oil good; Dems bad
10/10/00: Al Gore: Serial fibber
10/06/00: Sigh of the crook
10/03/00: So who's the 'dumb guy' now?
09/29/00: Don't do drug legalization
09/26/00: I'd burn down my neighbor's house
09/22/00: Democrats worship the money shot
09/19/00: Other film footage we'd like to see
09/15/00: Bush can name the **^%*
09/12/00: The Supreme Court ratchet
09/08/00: Our mistake -- keep polluting
09/05/00: Bubba protects and serves
09/01/00: AlGore's 'going out of business!' tax plan
08/29/00: Bush's compassionate conservatism
08/25/00: Space alien tells funny jokes in bathtub
08/22/00: Dems view world only in black and white, not in color
08/18/00: Another Damascus Road conversion
08/15/00: The viagra cotillion
08/11/00: The hand-wringing Hamlet from Hartford
08/07/00: The Democratic party's white face
08/04/00: Hillary's potty mouth
08/01/00: The hole in the story
07/28/00: Cheney's detractors can't get their story straight
07/25/00: AlGore: Elmer Blandry
07/21/00: The tyranny of non-objectivity
07/18/00: The state's religion
07/14/00: Reform it back
07/11/00: Keating for veep
07/07/00: Gore invented 'Clueless'
07/04/00: The stupidity litmus test
06/30/00: O.J. was 'proved innocent' too
06/27/00: The last guys 'proved innocent'
06/23/00: Serious Republican candidates don't get serious press
06/19/00: They weren't overzealous this time
06/16/00: Evolution of the strumpet
06/13/00: Actual journalistic malpractice
06/09/00: I did not have sexual
relations with that ... man!
06/06/00: IRS turns Bubba's screw
05/30/00: Too corrupt to be an Arkansas lawyer
05/26/00: Choose liberalism
05/24/00: Violence against coherence
05/22/00: Developmentally disabled Republicans
05/16/00: For womb the bell tolls
05/12/00: Asylum from Georgetown
05/10/00: The truth is out there, even for the clueless
05/08/00: Barbie is a liberal Democrat
05/02/00: Moving the goalpost
04/28/00: The bastardization of justice
04/25/00: How Monica Lewinsky saved the constitution
04/24/00: It's sunny today, so we need gun control
04/19/00: No shadow of a doubt -- liberal women are worthless
04/14/00: It takes a Communist dictator to raise a child
04/11/00: The verdict is in on Hillary
04/07/00: Vast Concoctions III
04/04/00: 'Horrifying' free speech in New York
03/31/00: Check-Off Box For Pimp Suits
03/28/00: All the news that fits -- we print!
03/24/00: Net losses all around
03/20/00: To protect, serve --- and be spat on
03/16/00: Thank Heaven for the consigliere
03/13/00: Vast concoctions II
03/09/00: The bluebloods voted against you
03/07/00: The Tower of Babble
03/03/00: Vast concoction
03/02/00: Hillary's sartorial lies
02/28/00: You have to break a few eggs to make a joke
02/22/00: I've seen enough killing to support abortion
02/18/00: A liberal lynching
02/15/00: McCain and the flag
02/11/00: The Shakedown Express
02/08/00: To mock a mockingbird
02/05/00: Summing up Campaign 2000: 'Oh, puh-leeze!'
02/01/00: A Confederacy of Dunces
01/28/00: Dollar Bill's racist smear
01/24/00: How high is your freedom quotient?
01/21/00: Numismadness
01/18/00: How dare you attack my wife!
01/14/00: The Gore Buggernaut
01/10/00: The paradox of discrimination law

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