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Jewish World Review May 12, 2000 / 7 Iyar, 5760

Ann Coulter

Ann Coulter
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Consumer Reports


Asylum from Georgetown -- IN A BIG PRODUCTION, requiring a police escort for the full 55-mile trip, Elian Gonzalez spent last Saturday night at a dinner party at the home of major Democratic fund-raisers in Georgetown. Must have been a barrel of laughs for a 6-year-old. But this was an important engagement: Time is running short on acclimating Elian to life under a communist dictator, and a Georgetown dinner party was just the place to start.

There are still a few lies about that raid to be cleared up -- particularly in honor of the "Million Mom March" this Sunday, in which the harridans will stop scolding us about our rights under the 21st Amendment long enough to scold us about our rights under the Second Amendment instead.

Relying on the media's complete, abject ignorance of firearms, the administration and its lackeys have insisted on calling the MP-5 submachine guns carried by the Delta Force Gang "automatic rifles." That sounds so much more compassionate than "machine gun" -- which is what an "automatic rifle" is. (For the record, an "assault weapon" is a mere semiautomatic rifle, significantly less impressive than the gun pointed at Elian.)

More absurd is the administration's repeated demand that we applaud the SWAT team thug's forbearance for not having his finger on the trigger. As all gun owners know, the only time your finger goes on the trigger is when you are going to shoot. Consequently, the crucial datum about the trigger finger's location tells us nothing more than that the SWAT team member didn't actually shoot Elian.

Good for him!

And just by the way, why were federal agents conducting the raid in ski masks? Why did the van have no license plates? Is there some unfathomable law enforcement objective for such clandestine behavior, or is this just play-acting for the fascist regime Reno and her thugs aspire to? It's been two weeks, and we still don't have answers to these questions.

The federal appeals court will hear arguments on one crucial aspect of Elian's asylum petition this week. The court will consider whether a 6-year-old (or an uncle on his behalf) is even eligible to apply for asylum in the first place.

The law states that "any alien ... irrespective of such alien's status, may apply for asylum." Elian has submitted an asylum application. But the Clinton administration rejected Elian's application out of hand by reading into the law an additional, unstated criterion that does not exist -- that "any alien" excludes 6-year-olds. The court of appeals seems poised to reject the administration's logic on this point.

As the court noted in its most recent ruling on this matter: "Plaintiff appears to come within the meaning of 'any alien.' And the statute plainly says that such an alien 'may apply for asylum.' ... The INS has not pointed to (nor have we found) statutory, regulatory or guideline provisions which place an age-based restriction on an alien's ability to apply for asylum. And we have found no pre-existing requirement that a minor, in submitting an asylum application, must act through the representative selected by the INS."

Since the administration seems likely to lose on the law, it had to assert control over the primary witness. Indeed, the only conceivable reason Janet Reno could have had for extricating Elian from his Miami relatives and placing him in seclusion with a bunch of government doctors, Cuban nationals and his biological father on a mission for Castro is to sway the single most important witness on Elian's asylum application: Elian himself.

Normally, crooks bribe witnesses. The attorney general takes them by force in pre-dawn military raids and places them in re-education camps. (Already the re-education camp's doctors say that Elian has expressed a desire to go back to Cuba, and it has to be said, at least he'll be safe from Janet Reno there.)

Once the appellate court rules that -- as seems probable -- 6-year-olds may be eligible to apply for asylum, Elian will withdraw his petition and be whisked back to Cuba, where he will be the property of the state.

Elian's only paths to freedom at this point are few and bleak. It would require the appellate court to recognize that Elian's father is Castro's stooge, something the court has avoided so far. Then the court could either order a guardian ad litem for Elian, or direct the INS to consider the uncle's petition for asylum on Elian's behalf.

Elian's best hope for freedom may be that the 11th Circuit will take so long to rule that Elian and his father and the whole communist delegation will apply for asylum -- both from Castro and from any more of those Democratic fund-raisers in Georgetown.

JWR contributor Ann Coulter is the author of High Crimes and Misdemeanors: The Case Against Bill Clinton.


05/10/00: The truth is out there, even for the clueless
05/08/00: Barbie is a liberal Democrat
05/02/00: Moving the goalpost
04/28/00: The bastardization of justice
04/25/00: How Monica Lewinsky saved the constitution
04/24/00: It's sunny today, so we need gun control
04/19/00: No shadow of a doubt -- liberal women are worthless
04/14/00: It takes a Communist dictator to raise a child
04/11/00: The verdict is in on Hillary
04/07/00: Vast Concoctions III
04/04/00: 'Horrifying' free speech in New York
03/31/00: Campaign finance reform brings out worst in senators
03/28/00: All the news that fits -- we print!
03/24/00: Net losses all around
03/20/00: To protect, serve --- and be spat on
03/16/00: Thank Heaven for the consigliere
03/13/00: Vast concoctions II
03/09/00: The bluebloods voted against you
03/07/00: The Tower of Babble
03/03/00: Vast concoction
03/02/00: Hillary's sartorial lies
02/28/00: You have to break a few eggs to make a joke
02/22/00: I've seen enough killing to support abortion
02/18/00: A liberal lynching
02/15/00: McCain and the flag
02/11/00: The Shakedown Express
02/08/00: To mock a mockingbird
02/05/00: Summing up Campaign 2000: 'Oh, puh-leeze!'
02/01/00: A Confederacy of Dunces
01/28/00: Dollar Bill's racist smear
01/24/00: How high is your freedom quotient?
01/21/00: Numismadness
01/18/00: How dare you attack my wife!
01/14/00: The Gore Buggernaut
01/10/00: The paradox of discrimination law

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