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Jewish World Review Oct. 23, 2000 / 24 Tishrei, 5761

Ann Coulter

Ann Coulter
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Consumer Reports

Courting George Orwell -- SINCE Vice President Al Gore is constantly making things up, it should come as no surprise that he wants Supreme Court justices who will do the same. As Gore put it, he will appoint judges who view the Constitution as a "document that grows." Democrats actually look for judges who will fib.

Having already "grown" a nonexistent right to abortion, there's no telling what other rights a few Gore judicial appointees might discover growing in the Constitution (just like Gore "grew" that FEMA trip to Texas). Since liberals reach particularly dazzling heights of incoherence and inconsistency on the topic of free speech, I'll limit myself to speculating about likely Gore court rulings regarding the First Amendment -- or the "Flynt Amendment," as it will soon be commonly known.

Speech that is unpopular will constitute a criminal offense. This recently happened in Manistee, Mich., when a woman leaving a restaurant was overheard saying, "I wish these damn 'spics' would learn to speak English." (As liberals invariably say about magazines protected by the Flynt Amendment, I abhor what she said, but she has a right to say it.)

The woman was promptly charged with the misdemeanor offense of "insulting conduct" and sentenced to 45 days in jail, two years' probation and a $500 fine. The state judge explained the criminal nature of her speech thus: "You don't say words like this when someone is present ... unless you are either intending to hurt them or injure them." (But see Cohen vs. California, 403 U.S. 15, 18 (1971) in which the Supreme Court held that a "F*** the Draft" T-shirt was protected speech under the Constitution.)

Former Michigan Department of Civil Rights director John Roy Castillo praised the decision, noting that the offender's comment could have sparked a fight. "I'm nonviolent, but I might have confronted her and who knows the personality of that person."

So on the growth theory of the First Amendment, it protects speech -- but only after a responsible government official has been able to ascertain the "personality" of the speaker.

The government will also be determining who gets to engage in political speech. Political speech -- heretofore known as "core First Amendment speech" -- will be deemed a dangerous threat to the political process. In order to create a more "egalitarian" system for political campaigns, no one will be permitted to spend money on political speech on behalf of candidates, except "the public" -- i.e., bureacRATS. (With government bureaucracies deciding who qualifies for "public" financing, all candidates for public office will start to resemble Teddy Kennedy.)

Though we will lose the right to engage in unpopular or political speech, we will gain a right to stink up public libraries as part of the beautiful mosaic of our First Amendment rights.

That was the ruling of federal Judge H. Lee Sarokin, a favorite judicial appointee among Democrats. Sarokin was first appointed to a federal district court in 1979 by President Jimmy Carter (on then-senator Bill Bradley's recommendation) and was elevated to the 3rd Circuit Court of Appeals by President Clinton. Recognizing that the Constitution is a document that can "grow," in 1991 Judge Sarokin discovered that the First Amendment protects a bum's right to harass library staff, stalk female patrons, talk loudly to himself, stare at people and generally smell the place up.

In addition to the free speech right to emit foul body odor in public libraries (but not to engage in unpopular or political speech), we the people will also be newly liberated to prance about naked. No state or county law will be able stop us. It's probably growing there in the penumbras of the First Amendment right now.

The Supreme Court recently considered a First Amendment challenge to nude dancing -- conduct that will soon be hallowed under the beloved Flynt Amendment. A county in Pennsylvania had enacted an ordinance requiring strippers to wear pasties and G-strings. The court narrowly concluded that the pastie requirement did not violate the First Amendment's guarantee of free speech.

But it so held in a 6-3 decision: Three sitting Supreme Court justices found that pasties do violate our precious First Amendment rights, fought and died for by the nation's founders. (Sort of.) Up in Michigan, the courts think speech isn't protected by the First Amendment, but three justices on the U.S. Supreme Court think nipples are.

Two more Democrat appointments to the Supreme Court, and all sorts of speech liberals don't care for will be banned as "hate crimes" or "campaign finance" violations. But wholly nonspeech activities liberals support -- including body odor and products peddled by Larry Flynt and his ilk -- will be protected as "free speech."

Speech is "conduct," and conduct is "speech." Under a Constitution that "grows," two plus two equals five, and freedom is slavery.

JWR contributor Ann Coulter is the author of High Crimes and Misdemeanors: The Case Against Bill Clinton. You may visit the Ann Coulter Fan Club by clicking here.


10/20/00: The three faces of Al
10/17/00: Must Christian conservatives be fascists?
10/13/00: Oil good; Dems bad
10/10/00: Al Gore: Serial fibber
10/06/00: Sigh of the crook
10/03/00: So who's the 'dumb guy' now?
09/29/00: Don't do drug legalization
09/26/00: I'd burn down my neighbor's house
09/22/00: Democrats worship the money shot
09/19/00: Other film footage we'd like to see
09/15/00: Bush can name the **^%*
09/12/00: The Supreme Court ratchet
09/08/00: Our mistake -- keep polluting
09/05/00: Bubba protects and serves
09/01/00: AlGore's 'going out of business!' tax plan
08/29/00: Bush's compassionate conservatism
08/25/00: Space alien tells funny jokes in bathtub
08/22/00: Dems view world only in black and white, not in color
08/18/00: Another Damascus Road conversion
08/15/00: The viagra cotillion
08/11/00: The hand-wringing Hamlet from Hartford
08/07/00: The Democratic party's white face
08/04/00: Hillary's potty mouth
08/01/00: The hole in the story
07/28/00: Cheney's detractors can't get their story straight
07/25/00: AlGore: Elmer Blandry
07/21/00: The tyranny of non-objectivity
07/18/00: The state's religion
07/14/00: Reform it back
07/11/00: Keating for veep
07/07/00: Gore invented 'Clueless'
07/04/00: The stupidity litmus test
06/30/00: O.J. was 'proved innocent' too
06/27/00: The last guys 'proved innocent'
06/23/00: Serious Republican candidates don't get serious press
06/19/00: They weren't overzealous this time
06/16/00: Evolution of the strumpet
06/13/00: Actual journalistic malpractice
06/09/00: I did not have sexual
relations with that ... man!
06/06/00: IRS turns Bubba's screw
05/30/00: Too corrupt to be an Arkansas lawyer
05/26/00: Choose liberalism
05/24/00: Violence against coherence
05/22/00: Developmentally disabled Republicans
05/16/00: For womb the bell tolls
05/12/00: Asylum from Georgetown
05/10/00: The truth is out there, even for the clueless
05/08/00: Barbie is a liberal Democrat
05/02/00: Moving the goalpost
04/28/00: The bastardization of justice
04/25/00: How Monica Lewinsky saved the constitution
04/24/00: It's sunny today, so we need gun control
04/19/00: No shadow of a doubt -- liberal women are worthless
04/14/00: It takes a Communist dictator to raise a child
04/11/00: The verdict is in on Hillary
04/07/00: Vast Concoctions III
04/04/00: 'Horrifying' free speech in New York
03/31/00: Check-Off Box For Pimp Suits
03/28/00: All the news that fits -- we print!
03/24/00: Net losses all around
03/20/00: To protect, serve --- and be spat on
03/16/00: Thank Heaven for the consigliere
03/13/00: Vast concoctions II
03/09/00: The bluebloods voted against you
03/07/00: The Tower of Babble
03/03/00: Vast concoction
03/02/00: Hillary's sartorial lies
02/28/00: You have to break a few eggs to make a joke
02/22/00: I've seen enough killing to support abortion
02/18/00: A liberal lynching
02/15/00: McCain and the flag
02/11/00: The Shakedown Express
02/08/00: To mock a mockingbird
02/05/00: Summing up Campaign 2000: 'Oh, puh-leeze!'
02/01/00: A Confederacy of Dunces
01/28/00: Dollar Bill's racist smear
01/24/00: How high is your freedom quotient?
01/21/00: Numismadness
01/18/00: How dare you attack my wife!
01/14/00: The Gore Buggernaut
01/10/00: The paradox of discrimination law

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