Jewish World Review Sept. 20, 2004 / 5 Tishrei, 5765

Lloyd Grove

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Consumer Reports

Bow down to King Val; the campaign according to Graydon Carter; the Simple-minded; more


http://www.jewishworldreview.com | Is Val Kilmer stuck in character again?


This column hears that the meticulous method actor, who's starring as Macedonian King Philip II in Oliver Stone's upcoming epic "Alexander," was a bit of a royal pain at the new nightclub NA the other night.


After knocking back drinks with singer Sean Lennon, actress Laura Harring and BCBG designer Max Azria, the 44-year-old Kilmer summoned a waitress and commanded her to bring him "six large pizzas and assorted pasta dishes."


Club managers immediately dispatched a busboy to a nearby restaurant in order to gather up the feast — which, naturally, went largely untouched by His Majesty and courtiers.


"The party was catered, but he wanted specific Italian food," NA owner Noel Ashman told me Thursday. "It was a gluttonous order. There was definitely a lot left over."


Kilmer continued to hold court long into the evening with such guests as Karolina Kurkova, Fonzworth Bentley, Damon Dash, Andre Harrell and Samantha Ronson.


"Kilmer was the last to leave. He tipped the bus boy and waitress generously," added Ashman.


Of course, this is hardly the first time Kilmer has lost himself in a role — on the set of "The Doors," he insisted that folks call him "Jim," as in Morrison, and all mail sent to him during the filming of "The Ghost and the Darkness" had to be addressed to his character, John Patterson.


Kilmer's rep, Paul Bloch, did not respond to a detailed message Thursday.

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THE CAMPAIGN ACCORDING TO GRAYDON CARTER


Dubya-detractor Graydon Carter — who'll host next Tuesday's big debate at the New School on whether President Bush is making the world safer — is sounding a tad worried these days.


"I think John Kerry just has to learn to speak American better — now he speaks English," the Vanity Fair editor told me Thursday. "I think Bush — and all politicians are play-actors of a sort — is better at play-acting the Texas hardscrabble ranch hand. And Kerry is play-acting a kid from St. Paul's on his gap year."


More of Carter's political analysis: "Kerry's windsurfing, going skiing, and his sports equipment is too tight. I think he's too fit. He's got one of those stomachs where the shirt goes straight down into his pants — and Americans like their politicians with a bit more flab on them.


"Poor man. He's doing the right things. He's talking about the issues. But I don't think the country is listening right now."


As for Tuesday's debate, Carter has recruited Vanity Fair columnist Christopher Hitchens, former CIA Director R. James Woolsey and neoconservative hawk Kenneth Adelman to argue the affirmative: that Bush has made the world safer.


Harvard terrorism expert Juliette Kayyem, philosopher Bernard-Henri Levy and a Bush critic to be named later will argue the negative.


BBC radio anchor James Naughtie will moderate, and the winning team will be the one that changes the most minds in the audience.


Maybe Carter — who, after all, has just authored his own Bush-bashing book, "What We've Lost" — can fill the empty chair on the anti-Bush team?


"No," he insisted. "I'm so sick of hearing myself talk."


Carter promised that despite the weighty issues involved and the consequences for global war and peace, the debate will end in time for 8 p.m. dinner reservations.


"People still have to eat," he said.


THE BRIEFING


CAROL ALT IS STILL FAMOUS!: When the doorman at NA didn't instantly welcome the 44-year-old supermodel and cohost of photographer Patrick McMullan's End of Fashion Week soiree, she was extremely peeved. A spy for this column reports that the unfortunate bouncer took nearly 15 seconds to approve Alt's entry. She groaned, tossed her hair and scolded: "The least you could do is recognize your host!"


THE SIMPLE-MINDED: Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, a cardiovascular surgeon, would sooner perform a heart transplant on himself — which would certainly make for exciting television — than allow Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie to intern in his office. But somehow the geniuses at Fox Television's "The Simple Life" thought it would be a great idea to send a pitch letter to Frist's press office this week suggesting that Paris and Nicole, for the hit show's third season, "can help with administrative duties and perhaps they may have the opportunity to suggest certain policy reform or draft a bill for Congress." Producer Ryan Crow added: "'The Simple Life' is one of Fox's most watched programs and would provide even more national exposure for Sen. Frist's office." Just what the doctor ordered.



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© 2003, Creators Syndicate