Jewish World Review April 16, 2004 / 26 Nissan, 5764

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Does this ‘Apprentice’ need some etiquette lessons?; kerry's laff-riot stepson; fully baked?; more


http://www.jewishworldreview.com | NEW YORK — What do you do when you're down and out and fired from "The Apprentice"?

Bayonne, N.J., native Nick Warnock — a Xerox salesman who got the boot from Donald Trump last week on NBC's hit reality show — apparently gets very grumpy.

Witnesses told this column that the 27-year-old Warnock — who likes to boast: "There's no account I can't penetrate, and no client I can't close" — couldn't buy, beg or steal his way into the Chelsea nightclub Marquee in the wee hours Wednesday.

Faced with failure, he lost it.

"F — - this!" he was heard yelling at the beefy doormen, who refused to allow him and his fellow fired "Apprentice" contestants, Bowie Hogg and Jason Curis, past the velvet ropes.

Warnock, who had been spotted moments earlier stumbling up 10th Ave., was informed that he just couldn't be accommodated because he appeared to be intoxicated.

"That's bulls — -!" Warnock exploded, according to this column's spies, who said Hogg and Curis, by contrast, seemed chagrined by their companion's behavior.

"He was rude," a witness said. "He had a really, really bad attitude."

On Thursday, Warnock insisted the witnesses have it all wrong.

"We were in town celebrating," he told us.

Was he drunk?

"We were having a great time," he answered. "They weren't too accommodating letting us all in. . . . I apologize if I offended anyone."

As for reports of all that cussin', "I don't recall saying that," Warnock said. "I'm a nice guy, and I would never want to offend anyone."

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KERRY'S LAFF-RIOT STEPSON

Nothing's wrong with Andre Heinz: He's rich, handsome and very funny.

John Kerry's 34-year-old stepson killed Wednesday night when the Democratic nominee-designate brought him on stage at the Chelsea club Crobar, the scene of an SRO $101-a-head fundraiser.

Heinz, an environmental consultant who'd flown in from Switzerland, took the mike, apologizing in a heavy accent, "I'm am so sorry that I don' speeeek gud Eenglays."

Some in the crowd were fooled. Arianna Huffington's eyes went wide.

Does President Bush's opponent really have a foreigner in his family?

But Heinz quickly segued into perfect English, provoking laughter — and relief.

Wearing a stylish gray peg-legged suit, he bopped all over the stage like a hyperactive child and did his impressions of Bill Clinton ("I don't want to steal your limelight!"), George Bush the Elder ("Stay the course!"), and even Arnold Schwarzenegger ("I can be president after you!").

On hand to show their support were Marisa Tomei, Natalie Portman, Blink 182's Tom DeLonge and "Sopranos" star Steve Buscemi — whom Sen. Chuck Schumer called "John Buscemi."

Kerry proved to be less adept at comedy than his stepson. His clunker — "I found out that Natalie Portman was too young to be vice president, and no — you can't have her phone number" — elicited groans.

THE BRIEFING

WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT, MIKEY?: The least informative press release in the history of "60 Minutes" reveals that Mike Wallace will ask Bob Woodward a whole bunch of questions on Sunday about "Plan of Attack," the Washington Post sleuth's secret book about the U.S. war on Iraq. In a series of blind items, the release teases: "Which foreign dignitary was told of the plans to attack days before even key Cabinet members were briefed?" And: "Which key advisers did President Bush ask — and not ask — about whether he should go to war with Iraq?" And: "In the war's wake, which top administration officials now barely speak to each other?"

NO BENIFER: A spy for this column in Chicago witnessed a touching scene Thursday when Matt Damon said goodbye to his non-celebrity girlfriend Luciana Barroso at the Peninsula Hotel, where the two have been holed up all week. Playing the smitten boyfriend, the 33-year-old movie star carried the 28-year-old interior decorator's luggage into a waiting car. "They were both obviously upset that she was leaving," the spy said. "They were hugging and kissing, and when she got into the car, he screamed out 'Bye, baby! Have a good trip!'" The best part? Since Barroso isn't a publicity-mad actress, there won't be any "Gigli" to suffer through.

CAN THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE BE FAR BEHIND?: With typical modesty, Time magazine is gearing up to name the world's 100 most influential and powerful people — and one of them happens to be reality television czar Mark Burnett. "Mark Burnett is a great visionary, able to see into the future with far better accuracy than any of his competitors," a fervent fan gushes in the mag. "His No. 1 talent is having the right idea at the right time. Where that kind of talent comes from is always a bit of a mystery, but I think his insight into our culture has to do with coming from Britain." Burnett's effusive admirer? Donald Trump.

FULLY BAKED?: Two out of three prominent liberal Democrat Als — namely, Sharpton and Franken — are expected to be on hand Saturday afternoon for MoveOn.org's bake-sale fundraiser at Teany, the Lower East Side restaurant owned by techno-rocker Moby.



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© 2003, Creators Syndicate