Jewish World Review August 27, 2004 / 10 Elul, 5764

Lloyd Grove

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Consumer Reports

Michael Moore in New Yawk; Red-State comedy; more


http://www.jewishworldreview.com | "Fahrenheit 9/11" director Michael Moore — a virulent enemy of President Bush — has been hired by USA Today to write four opinion columns during the Republican convention.


Word is that party officials aren't happy that the pugnacious Moore — wearing the credentials of a legitimate journalist — will be the skunk at their garden party next week, traipsing around Madison Square Garden and maybe even causing trouble.


But get a load of what some of the delegates have to say:


Alabama delegate Terry Butts: "I'm from South Alabama, and we're used to dealing with jackasses, and so I look forward to making his acquaintance. . . . In Alabama there are probably a few good ole boys who would know how to put a good knot on his head."


Louisiana delegate Carey Holliday: "I would be delighted if he slapped me. Because then I could defend myself. And it would all be on camera. He'd be hit from so many angles — he'd never even catch me. Four hundred-pounders move very slowly and with no wind at all. I'm 53 and in good shape."


Alabama delegate Rick Sellers: "I think I'm going to contact the officials with the convention and have his media tag pulled. This is ridiculous!"


North Carolina delegate Jim Cain: "The bomb squads and drug-sniffing dogs should give him a thorough once-over before letting him into Madison Square Garden."


Nebraska delegate Rod Krogh: "I doubt he's going to want to provoke people — I would assume he's a better judge of his body than that. I'm 6' 2" and 175 pounds. If we went to the mat, that's one match that I know my limits."


South Dakota delegate John Teupel: "If he's going to show up at the GOP convention, hopefully he has the sense and tact to act like a civilized human being. If he wants to get in my face, I'm plenty capable of getting back in his."


Mississippi delegate Field Bryant: "I was a deputy sheriff for five years, and I've dealt with a lot of people who have that mindset. But if he listens with his heart and his mind, he'll come out of there a changed man. L-rd knows he needs some redemption."


Moore's spokesman, Mark Benoit, told this column Thursday: "I think these people are speaking out of bravado . . . I think cooler heads will prevail. Once people talk to him, he's an intelligent, likeable guy. I think anyone who's said those things, after spending five minutes with him, would come away with a different impression."

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RED-STATE COMEDY


Wanna hear a Teresa Heinz Kerry joke?


Here's right-wing comedian "Big Daddy" Jeff Wayne's:


"How was Teresa Heinz Kerry's speech at the Democratic convention like a bottle of Heinz Ketchup? It was slow. It was full of vinegar. And when she was finished, you wanted to smack her bottom."


Wayne and a few other George W. Bush-supporting comics are a rare breed: standup comedians who don't harbor "blue state" sympathies and don't "work blue."


During the Republican invasion of Manhattan, they're headlining the Laugh Factory with the "The Right Stuff" — a GOP delegate-friendly, John Kerry-bashing act that opened last night and runs through Thursday.


But as squeaky clean as "The Right Stuff" seems to be, some New Yorkers apparently think it's too hot to handle.


Laugh Factory owner Jamie Masada told me Thursday that an official of the New York convention host committee rejected hundreds of free tickets for the committee's volunteers after pronouncing the show "too partisan."


Masada, a staunch Kerry supporter, said: "I thought that was not called for at all. He should have taken the tickets and let people make their own choice about what they want to see."


Masada said he agreed to host the show after the producer, rabid Republican sitcom writer Eric Peterkofsky, complained that it had been turned down for ideological reasons by a long list of New York comedy clubs.


"I don't really think they're going to do very well," said Masada, a native Israeli who became a U.S. citizen two decades ago. "But I am a strong believer in free speech and the First Amendment."


THE BRIEFING


RAP SHEET: Is Jay-Z asking his friends to clam up about a possible return to performing? N.E.R.D. rapper Pharrell Williams, who's promoting a new "Billionaire Boys Club" clothing line partnership with Reebok, revealed he's been hitting the recording studio with rocker Gwen Stefani. So would his pal Beyonce's beau be singing along? "I can't talk about that," Williams answered. "I've been sworn to secrecy." Jay-Z is "a good friend of mine, and I'm just not allowed to say."


DOWD'S DOLLARS: The book-party buzz the other night at the Four Seasons — where New York Times star columnist Maureen Dowd was feted for her collection "Bushworld: Enter at Your Own Risk" — was that the book is already No. 4 on the Times nonfiction bestseller list. And a good thing, too — since I'm reliably told that Putnam shelled out a jaw-dropping $675,000 advance.



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Up

08/25/04: GOP glamour?; twins on the march!; Nick Berg's father is PO-ed
08/20/04: Kerry: The novel candidate?; introducing Miss Kimberly Jones; Is Paris Fry[ing]? 08/19/04: The rude, the bad, the ugly
08/17/04: Kerry's bad hair day?; spin control?; more
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08/04/04: Teresa nailed?
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07/28/04: Hall of mirrors; clothes declare the candidate; more
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04/21/04: Things don't go better with Coke?; swipes from the grave; "Mami" to the rescue; more
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02/13/04: John & Carolyn, redux; Zell Miller shows the flag; kill Quentin?; more
02/11/04: HE FEELS BAD!; Dick Cheney, still not dead; more
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02/04/04: Shriver quits NBC; "Marshmallow" Mike Tyson?; Super Bowl propriety?; MTV's next production?; more
01/30/04: The political forehead front; Alies meets Franken; the art of the hype; arrested career development?
01/28/04: Eyebrow-raising politics; call him indescribable; Woods vs. Williams; more
01/23/04: Eyebrow-raising mystery; who's punk'd anyway?; don't curb your enthusiasm; more
01/21/04: Ridiculous lives of the self-important stars; long arm of the law; all's fair in love and literature
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01/02/04: Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio!?; "Bachelor" bruises; Returning to the scene of the crime?
12/31/03: Disaster for the defense; no-war Omar; the shoe must go on; more
12/19/03: Bob Shapiro's free commercial?; Are sophisticated and hip New Yawkers easily duped?; Positive Saddam fallout?; Ratty insult?
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12/12/03: Karenna defends her dad; now she tells us!; say it ain't so, Mo!; more
12/10/03: Man & wife, interruptus; pepperoni has feelings, too; more
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12/04/03: The war of the gest-minnellis; something borrowed, something cashmere; fashion trendsetter, nailed!
12/03/03: Colombian grace under pressure; Lord of the Screwups; more
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12/01/03: Dennis the Menace strikes again; first literary feud of the holiday season; Norma Jean & Hef in heaven?; the fog of McNamara; more
11/26/03: Catherine Crier raps Jacko's TV defender, refuses on-air hint of racism; At 50, Tina's in full cry; STAY OUT OF HER WAY!; more
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11/24/03: Georgette's pilfered baubles; prosecutor of pop?; absent but not missed?; Norman Mailer's prescription for education reform; more
11/20/03: Is a movie career in store for Maria Bartiromo?; People for the Unethical Treatment of Humans?; more
11/19/03: Scientologists on Razor's edge?; picking a winner?; source on a hot tin roof?; more
11/18/03: Clay Aiken neuters PETA?; THEM'S FIGHTIN' WORDS!; a mural for Joe
11/17/03: When networks attack!; leaky Fawcett; forget the Paris Hilton video!; more
11/13/03: Publicity hounds; Prophetic priest; Dumb and Dumber
11/12/03: Not so Rosie; do you believe in miracles?; catalogue of sins; My Heart Belongs to Koppel
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11/05/03: Will Harvey Weinstein and Gregg Easterbrook now be pals?; crazed Quentin; more
11/04/03: Herding off the hipsters; more
11/03/03: Dean's tell-all on himself?; Lisaraye vs. Mya?; the odd couple; no need to panic; just don't call him "Scooter"!; Rosie scenarios
10/30/03: Autumn of the editor?; Cynthia Nixon's split may be costly; 'Burning' questions
10/29/03: Ah-nold, unauthorized!; a dilemma for Melissa Gilbert? not even Frank Gifford can help him now!; nobody wanted Elizabeth Hurley
10/28/03: It's Cher calling!; Brown Alert
10/27/03: Paparazzi uncensored!; where's Aaron Brown?; postcards from the middle; invasion of the party snatchers?; House flooded when not afire?; suspenders of disbelief?
10/23/03: Ace up Howard Dean's sleeve; Woody's ordeal; Paul Simon's kid makes good; the non-beginning of a beautiful friendship?
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10/21/03: Morris & Jaci's charm offensive; Hell hath no fury; Wintertime for Hitler
10/20/03: Isn't it rich?; men (and the occasional woman) behaving badly; peacenik John Lennon supporting the U.S. military?; courageous Connie
10/16/03: George Clooney and intolerable Drudgery; Cameron goes native; and you thought the war in Iraq was nasty?; now it can be revealed; star wars?
10/15/03: Kerik into the breach?; holiday pander?; "the Dink" corrects the record; more
10/14/03: Madge gets mad, lips are sealed; the candidates who listen; he who hesitates is Beatty
10/13/03: Clothes, but no cigar; New Yorkers put a Sox in it; mad at Matalin?; more
10/09/03: Gray Davis goes to the movies; Ali Wentworth, working blue; Law & Order?; pot of gold at the end of the rainbow room?
10/08/03: Art-time for Hitler; the actress who hates movies; lying "Liam"
10/07/03: Pond scum of the rich and famous
07/24/03: Ali and George, living it up; Mel Gibson's Washington power play
07/21/03: White House smear?
07/17/03: Yet another intern scandal; it's her party and she can pay if she wants to
07/14/03: On the auction block: JFK'S boxer shorts; love bytes the maestro
07/10/03: A hairy situation at Homeland Security; Van Susteren v. Orth
06/30/03: Rep. Patrick Kennedy: I've never worked a (bleeping) day in my life; Drudge's dressing down; Ken Lay's Kerry connection
06/26/03: Rapping the beat
06/23/03: Another Watergate scandal?; AL GORE TV!
06/19/03: Tony Snow, rocker?; that won't be crow on Mr. Carlson's plate
06/16/03: Missing dog, ransom demand, Hollywood ending
06/12/03: Giving both parties the needle
06/09/03: WHAT DID SHE KNOW, AND WHEN DID SHE KNOW IT?
06/05/03: Incoming from Barbara Bush?
06/02/03: Bob Dole's plan for fighting unemployment
05/29/03: Newt's new novel
05/27/03: Hitchens & Blumenthal, together again; He still believes in a man called Hope
05/09/03: Close, but no cigar; Romeo & Juliet with a happy ending?; Geraldo to help Heebs?
05/05/03: So Bill Gates and Tom Brokaw walk into a coffee bar . . .; hotel hell; more

© 2003, Creators Syndicate