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Jewish World Review March 9, 2001/ 14 Adar, 5761

Marianne M. Jennings

Marianne M. Jennings
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The lessons of Tom and Nicole


http://www.jewishworldreview.com -- THE media remain dedicated to round-the-clock coverage of the recent Tom Cruise/Nicole Kidman split. MSNBC had an hour-long special on this sad state of affairs, as it were. Had it not been for the passing of Dale Earnhardt and resulting distraction of inquiring minds, Elton John would surely have been called upon to write yet another version of "Candle in the Wind," originally written as the national anthem for Marilyn Monroe and then revised for Diana's funeral as "Bulimic Rose in the Loo." Reworked for a tribute to the end of Tom and Nicole's wedded bliss, Sir Elton might have performed the ballad with his newfound pal and musical genius, Eminem.

Yes, sadness envelops the land over the split of one of Hollywood's few marrieds with children. Children without marriage abound. Children without childbirth abound as Hollywood waifs adopt children as if buying a new puppy at the mall. Rosie, Calista and Jody have given their children the blessing of growing up fatherless.

Among the designer ruins of the Cruise/Kidman pending divorce are some eternal lessons on marriage. One of my colleagues should develop a course. If golf is a major, as the Wall Street Journal reported this week, then Top Gun's marriage could surely be a course. There is a legislative trend around the country for requiring couples to take lessons before marrying. Herein Tom and Nicole 101 - What Went Wrong?

She's too tall. Men who are short are insecure. Ask any man who is short, say 5'8", and he will inevitably say he is 5'11." When the woman is taller than the man, the marriage won't work. Sonny and Cher. Napoleon and Josephine. Dudley Moore and anyone. Mickey Rooney and everyone.

Nicole

They had a prenuptial agreement. A California lawyer who specializes in drafting prenuptials says he's never seen a marriage with one work. The real name for these agreements is antenuptial. If you don't want to put your bucks on the line, forget about a lasting marriage, to wit: Steven Spielberg and Amy Irving. Donald Trump and Marla Maples. Christina Ferrare and John DeLorean. Ron Perelman and all of his marriages.

Cruise called it quits just days before the California 10-year limit. Go over 10 years there and the prenup loses its sting to community property laws. The prenup marriages headed down the tubes: Barbra Streisand and James Brolin, he's tall but she's too famous and Clinton has free time. Katherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas, the father of her son, who is older than the grandfather. Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt. Get real.

Publicists point to Cruise's and Kidman's stressful careers as a cause. Please, they work 6 weeks per year, have nannies, hairdressers, trainers, personal assistants, luxury set trailers, and three homes. Try marriage when you have to work all day every day to make the mortgage on a cracker box, the weeds from your lawn are growing into the sidewalk and the washer and dishwasher are filled with all that you own. There are couples trading off swing and graveyard shifts at the front lines at Ford who manage career separations. All marriages have stress. This too shall pass.

They had different religions - she's Catholic and he's an L. Ron Hubbard guy. The pope's edicts are bound to cause discussions. Also, Mrs. Cruise wanted to raise her children as Catholics. Toddlers understand Moses and Miriam in the bulrushes. Scientology has no parables. One couple, one faith, one marriage.

The marriage was founded in infidelity. Cruise left his first wife, Mimi Rogers, shortly after becoming smitten with Nicole, his leading lady in Days of Thunder. A courtship based in infidelity has it consequences, generally infidelity and/or divorce.

Nicole kept taking off her clothes. Having your wife and the mother of your children nude on a London stage does not spawn security, particularly when height is an issue. Marriage means a screeching halt to the indiscretions of youth, including public nudity.

They worked with Stanley Kubrick for almost a year. Eyes Wide Shut was a bomb in every way. But, a theme of nudity and infidelity under the tutelage of the director of A Clockwork Orange is begging for trouble. See nudity and infidelity clauses above.

All the money in the world can't buy happiness. Those of us in the trenches do not rejoice when Hollywood marriages fail for there are children at issue. Nor do we harbor feelings of superiority for the tender balances in a marriage require constant maintenance. But there is some small comfort in knowing that $250 million in assets does not buy happiness. You don't have their portfolio or their A-list status, but you have what they want --- a longstanding successful marriage complete with stress and no prenup.


JWR contributor Marianne M. Jennings is a professor of legal and ethical studies at Arizona State University. Send your comments by clicking here.

Up

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02/15/00: Those chameleon 60s activists
02/08/00: McCandidate McCain: Flirting with principles
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01/25/00: Stroke of the pen, law of the land: Clinton's Camelot
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12/14/99: Drop-kicking the homeless
12/07/99: Turtles and teamsters, side-by-side in Seattle
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11/18/99: The elusive human spirit and accountability
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10/22/99: Jesse, Warren, Cybill, Donald and Oprah
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06/17/99: True courage is more than just admitting troubles

© 2000, Marianne M. Jennings