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Jewish World Review March 9, 2001/ 14 Adar, 5761
Marianne M. Jennings
http://www.jewishworldreview.com --
THE media remain dedicated to round-the-clock coverage of the recent Tom
Cruise/Nicole Kidman split. MSNBC had an hour-long special on this sad state
of affairs, as it were. Had it not been for the passing of Dale Earnhardt
and resulting distraction of inquiring minds, Elton John would surely have
been called upon to write yet another version of "Candle in the Wind,"
originally written as the national anthem for Marilyn Monroe and then revised
for Diana's funeral as "Bulimic Rose in the Loo." Reworked for a tribute to
the end of Tom and Nicole's wedded bliss, Sir Elton might have performed the
ballad with his newfound pal and musical genius, Eminem.
Yes, sadness envelops the land over the split of one of Hollywood's few
marrieds with children. Children without marriage abound. Children without
childbirth abound as Hollywood waifs adopt children as if buying a new puppy
at the mall. Rosie, Calista and Jody have given their children the blessing
of growing up fatherless.
Among the designer ruins of the Cruise/Kidman pending divorce are some
eternal lessons on marriage. One of my colleagues should develop a course.
If golf is a major, as the Wall Street Journal reported this week, then Top
Gun's marriage could surely be a course. There is a legislative trend around
the country for requiring couples to take lessons before marrying. Herein
Tom and Nicole 101 - What Went Wrong?
She's too tall. Men who are short are insecure. Ask any man who is short,
say 5'8", and he will inevitably say he is 5'11." When the woman is taller
than the man, the marriage won't work. Sonny and Cher. Napoleon and
Josephine. Dudley Moore and anyone. Mickey Rooney and everyone.
They had a prenuptial agreement. A California lawyer who specializes in
drafting prenuptials says he's never seen a marriage with one work. The real
name for these agreements is antenuptial. If you don't want to put your
bucks on the line, forget about a lasting marriage, to wit: Steven Spielberg
and Amy Irving. Donald Trump and Marla Maples. Christina Ferrare and John
DeLorean. Ron Perelman and all of his marriages.
Cruise called it quits just days before the California 10-year limit. Go
over 10 years there and the prenup loses its sting to community property
laws. The prenup marriages headed down the tubes: Barbra Streisand and James
Brolin, he's tall but she's too famous and Clinton has free time. Katherine
Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas, the father of her son, who is older than the
grandfather. Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt. Get real.
Publicists point to Cruise's and Kidman's stressful careers as a cause.
Please, they work 6 weeks per year, have nannies, hairdressers, trainers,
personal assistants, luxury set trailers, and three homes. Try marriage when
you have to work all day every day to make the mortgage on a cracker box, the
weeds from your lawn are growing into the sidewalk and the washer and
dishwasher are filled with all that you own. There are couples trading off
swing and graveyard shifts at the front lines at Ford who manage career
separations. All marriages have stress. This too shall pass.
They had different religions - she's Catholic and he's an L. Ron Hubbard guy.
The pope's edicts are bound to cause discussions. Also, Mrs. Cruise wanted
to raise her children as Catholics. Toddlers understand Moses and Miriam in
the bulrushes. Scientology has no parables. One couple, one faith, one
marriage.
The marriage was founded in infidelity. Cruise left his first wife, Mimi
Rogers, shortly after becoming smitten with Nicole, his leading lady in Days
of Thunder. A courtship based in infidelity has it consequences, generally
infidelity and/or divorce.
Nicole kept taking off her clothes. Having your wife and the mother of your
children nude on a London stage does not spawn security, particularly when
height is an issue. Marriage means a screeching halt to the indiscretions of
youth, including public nudity.
They worked with Stanley Kubrick for almost a year. Eyes Wide Shut was a
bomb in every way. But, a theme of nudity and infidelity under the tutelage
of the director of A Clockwork Orange is begging for trouble. See nudity and
infidelity clauses above.
All the money in the world can't buy happiness. Those of us in the trenches
do not rejoice when Hollywood marriages fail for there are children at issue.
Nor do we harbor feelings of superiority for the tender balances in a
marriage require constant maintenance. But there is some small comfort in
knowing that $250 million in assets does not buy happiness. You don't have
their portfolio or their A-list status, but you have what they want --- a
longstanding successful marriage complete with stress and no
03/01/01: Pardon the temporary outrage
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