Clicking on banner ads enables JWR to constantly improve
Jewish World Review Nov. 8, 2000/ 10 Mar-Cheshvan, 5761

Marianne M. Jennings

Marianne M. Jennings
JWR's Pundits
World Editorial
Cartoon Showcase

Mallard Fillmore

Michael Barone
Mona Charen
Linda Chavez
Ann Coulter
Greg Crosby
Larry Elder
Don Feder
Suzanne Fields
James Glassman
Paul Greenberg
Bob Greene
Betsy Hart
Nat Hentoff
David Horowitz
Michael Kelly
Mort Kondracke
Ch. Krauthammer
Lawrence Kudlow
Dr. Laura
John Leo
David Limbaugh
Michelle Malkin
Jackie Mason
Chris Matthews
Michael Medved
Kathleen Parker
Wes Pruden
Debbie Schlussel
Sam Schulman
Roger Simon
Tony Snow
Thomas Sowell
Cal Thomas
Jonathan S. Tobin
Ben Wattenberg
George Will
Bruce Williams
Walter Williams
Mort Zuckerman

Consumer Reports

ELECTION 2000: I SURRENDER -- HILLARY! is now the senator formerly known as the First Lady. The folks in New York have taken leave of their senses, but they are not alone.

Election 2000 has been bizarre. Sheila Jackson Rodham Lee equated George W. Bush's DUI charge in Kennebunkport 24 years ago with the Monica debauchery. Dubya all but called himself a lush. Laura Bush, reminiscent of Katharine Hepburn in Adam's Rib, sent clear signals that she's straightened around his sorry behind. Politics makes for strange bedfellows, but the mattresses are springing coils and I am exhausted.

Al Gore ran a campaign against tax cuts. Marilyn Manson endorsed Bush. Bo Derek thinks Dubya is a 10 (not a .10). Joe Lieberman's mother campaigned in Florida because Lieberman is busy with his new friend, Louis Farrakhan. Ralph Nader is gay, if the San Francisco Chronicle is correct. Ross Perot endorsed Bush, flummoxing Larry King. Larry Flynt endorsed Gore, flummoxing Clinton who thought he was Larry's one and only. And Buckingham Palace declined to confirm or deny a report that Queen Elizabeth enjoys singing along with Big Mouth Billy Bass, that fish on a wooden plaque that sings Achy Breaky Heart.

Mr. Clinton hovered like Barbara Stanwyck as Stella Dallas, the mother-in-law with cheesy clothes, a history on the wrong side of the tracks, and a tendency to drop ashes wherever she goes. A man whose personal approval rating is at 27% said, on the Tom Joyner radio program, just five days before the election, in support of his veep, "If you can't have me, you can have the next best thing." Tipper torqued up her camera strap on that one.

Yet, despite the evening's Hillary! victory, I am chipper. One of the benefits of being a columnist is the fodder liberals hurl my way. I also have a spring in my step because the four-year media coverage of election 2000 now ends. I am worried, however, that Frank Luntz Putz, that pollster of MSNBC who befriended every dolt east and west of the Mississippi, will have a permanent position tracking undecideds. The thought of him chasing them with that yellow line of his is more than I can bear.

The media analysis has had all the substance of packing noodles. Their take on Florida was wrong before the election, wrong during the election reporting and wrong in its explanation for their 7:00 PM call of the state for Gore.

During one pollster's discussion, he had Gore carrying Florida because Floridians "care very deeply about the Everglades." The only green Florida voters care about is the Jell-O fruit mold at the 5:00 PM discount buffet.

One-third of Florida's population turns over every four years - there's not a lot of time for bonding with the gators and swamps. If Gore carries Florida, it will be because they propped up folks at the voting booths in south Miami. The only group with less depth than the media was the Hollywood groupies. Marlo Thomas bad-mouthed Bush and Nader. Then she bad-mouthed hubby Donahue for supporting Nader. Then the New York Times bad-mouthed Nader's spoiler role in ruining democracy, despite its silence during the Perot bucking bronco rides in '92 and '96. Alec Baldwin vowed to move to another country.

Barbra Streisand predicted the end of civilization if Dubya prevailed. The star of That Girl, the producer, director and star of Yentl and Kim Basinger's less talented half were given air time for such advice. What is it about uneducated folks with reconstructive surgery that makes them prone to foist their opinings upon us? I put more faith in the advice of Big Mouth Billy Bass, who I believe is also one of the Baldwin brothers.

As Dubya and Gore chug along at 242 electorals and Florida hangs in the balance, I hypothesize voodoo accompanies anything Clinton. Hillary!'s original opponent, Rudy Guiliani, was stricken with cancer and a divorce that made Meg Ryan's and Dennis Quaid's look docile. The queen of voodoo then got Little Ricky as an opponent.

This election should not be close but the black magic is coupled with the synergism of a Teflon resistance that graces Clintonites. Accountants, lawyers and execs did hard time for what Mrs. Clinton pulled with Whitewater.

Mr. Gore strolled through a temple as nuns threw checks at him like Mardi Gras beads and the Justice Department could find no controlling legal authority. His debate whoppers would bury the needle on a lie detector, his cigarettes for homeless votes in Michigan had his sister spinning in her grave, and yet he still won the suburban moms. Clintonites move about the country like traveling salvation shows. They bamboozle then move along to a fresh crowd of the gullible in the next town and election. Arkansas and Tennessee wouldn't even go for more Clinton years, but New York fell hook, line and sinker. Republicans have been trying to catch a greased pig while clad in a flip-flops.

Election 2000 was a nail biter, with results as bizarre as the rhetoric. The lockboxes are now being placed on the votes in Florida and Missouri for fraud charges abound --- a perfect Clinton ending. One can only hope it is indeed an end. I am tired.

JWR contributor Marianne M. Jennings is a professor of legal and ethical studies at Arizona State University. Send your comments by clicking here.


10/27/00: Al in the package? Memo to women: Choosing presidents and husbands
10/20/00: Ten things the gay community should understand
10/13/00: "You Have a Lump."
10/06/00: The government as the pharmacy: Don't
09/29/00: The capacity for truth
09/22/00: Charity with strings and an agenda
09/15/00: The taming of the shrew: Gloria Steinem takes a husband
09/09/00: Why rich folk don't bother me none
08/28/00: Survival of the not-so-fit but conniving
08/25/00: Conventions: A study in contrasts
08/18/00: Resenting the accusations of racial prejudice
08/04/00: Women: Their own worst enemy
07/21/00: Hillary: Our longshoreman First Lady
07/21/00: SUVs: The root of all evil
07/14/00: The basketball gene and white men not jumping so well
07/07/00: I wanna be around
06/23/00: The liberal conversion
06/14/00: Sex and the City: The shallow but vulgar female
06/08/00: No excuses schools
06/02/00: Oh, Canada: Our Nutty Neighbors to the North
05/23/00: The new mollycoddling coach
05/16/00: On adultery and leadership
05/12/00: Taking your lumps
05/02/00: Elian: There's never a liberal around when you need one
04/25/00: Life's circle and tenderness
04/18/00: Womyn who want it both ways
04/11/00: The monsters we're raising with the ergo proposition
04/05/00: Endowing the Hooters Chair for Literature Appreciation
03/28/00: Dr. Laura: The passive/aggressive kid's mom
03/21/00: Dough and campaigns
03/14/00: The volunteerism of conscription and pomp
03/07/00: Hope and pray that religion remains a force in politics
02/29/00: Ditzes in TV Land
02/22/00: Cranky nitpickers make writing a [sic] experience
02/15/00: Those chameleon 60s activists
02/08/00: McCandidate McCain: Flirting with principles
02/01/00: The demise of marriage
01/25/00: Stroke of the pen, law of the land: Clinton's Camelot
01/18/00: Off the Rocker Rorschach Test
01/11/00: Oprah's lemmings
01/04/00: Struggling mightily amidst the comfort
12/23/99: Confused fathers
12/14/99: Drop-kicking the homeless
12/07/99: Turtles and teamsters, side-by-side in Seattle
11/29/99: When conservatives behave badly
11/22/99: Compassionate conservative: Timing and targets
11/18/99: The elusive human spirit and accountability
11/11/99: Succumbing to the intellectual child within with the help of crackpots and screwballs
10/28/99: Live by litigation, die by litigation
10/22/99: Jesse, Warren, Cybill, Donald and Oprah
10/14/99: Inequality and injustice: It's the big one
10/05/99: Dan Quayle, morals and schoolyard bullies
09/30/99: The monsters of epidermal parenting
09/21/99: The Diversity Hoax
09/15/99: Waco Wackos
09/09/99: Selective censorship
09/01/99: The village, the children, judicial imperialism and abortion
08/24/99: Naughty Newt?
08/17/99: In defense of Boy Scouts and judgment
08/10/99: Ruining the finest health care system in the world
08/03/99: Nihilism and politics: ethics on the lam
07/26/99: Of women, soccer and removed jerseys
07/23/99: Not in despair, a mere mortal doing just fine
07/20/99: "Why me?" How about "Why us?"
07/13/99: Bunk, junk & juries
07/06/99: An Amish woman in a Victoria's Secret store
06/30/99: That intellectually embarrassing Second Amendment
06/24/99: Patricia Ireland eat your heart out --- but check out the recipe in 'women's mags' first
06/22/99: Dems and the Creator coup
06/17/99: True courage is more than just admitting troubles

© 2000, Marianne M. Jennings