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Jewish World Review Sept. 26, 2003 / 29 Elul, 5763

Lenore Skenazy

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Consumer Reports

The secret Post-Its
of Chappaqua | Item: [Sen. Hillary] Clinton discounted again reports that her husband thinks she should ... run for President now. "I think he has stated the reality that it is up to me." - Daily News, Sept. 23

Some Post-it notes recently found at the Clinton home in Chappaqua. Handwriting appears to be Bill's.

On refrigerator: Don't forget to pick up milk. And Florida.

On bedroom closet door: I took your pantsuit to the cleaners. Cld u pls take Bush?

On notepad by the living room phone: Destiny called.

On notepad by the hall phone: Destiny called again. Sounded mad.

On notepad by the bedroom phone: Eleanor Roosevelt says she's sorry she had to hang up. Wants to continue chat.

And by the kitchen phone: Some crank called to ask if our refrigerator's running. I told him, "That is completely up to our refrigerator. But if it did run, it could beat the pants off Howard Dean's refrigerator."

On dining room table: Decorator is coming tomorrow with some carpet swatches, overhead projector and county-by-county maps with push pins. Okay by u? P.S. What do you think of black leather swivel chairs?

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On the door to Hillary's home office: Told decorator to think blue. Or oval. Maybe a flag theme?

On her desk: While you were out ... 10 shmoes decided to run.

On the fence: Get off of here!

On the hedges: Hope you like the bunting. On sale - couldn't resist! Ditto, the balloons.

On front door: Doorbell broken. GOP stranglehold on America next?

On the backyard BBQ: Prepare for grilling - chicken, chops, Cheney.

On the doghouse: Future home of William Jefferson Clinton if he ever, EVER embarrasses you ... while you hold national office.

On the stove: Pilot light needs to be repaired. As do country's aging infrastructure, international relations and educational policy. But don't bother your pretty little head about those. You belong here in the kitchen, just baking cookies. Right? Or would you prefer to lead the free world?

On linen closet: Make beds. Or history?

On silverware drawer: Set table? Or national priorities?

On the Bible by the bed: Place your right hand here. Look in the mirror. 'Nuff said.

On pillow: This Hershey's Kiss is for you, the woman I will always love and admire, no matter what she chooses to do or not do. Next note: Even though it would be so GREAT to be back in D.C. and throw those election stealers out on their ears and kick butt on the deficit and haul us out of Iraq and - Next note: - sock it to Halliburton and get cracking on solar energy and Head Start and my - er, our - er, your economic recovery plan, not to mention HEALTH CARE. But - Note, continued: - as I said, it's completely up to you, because you are my shining star. Note under pillow: And the Democratic Party's.

Note on bedside reading lamp: Good night! Sleep tight! Don't let the country drift to the right!

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JWR contributor Lenore Skenazy is a columnist for The New York Daily News. Comment by clicking here.


09/15/03: Let's slam the phone on caller ID
09/03/03: Truth in small, medium & large
08/26/03: U.S. needs amnesty for amnesiacs
08/13/03: It's turning out to be a schadenfreude kind of summer
08/07/03: This helmet thing has loose ends
07/25/03: Hi-tech brain booster — stick it in your ear
07/22/03: Fat label is a loser
07/03/03: Like being stabbed through the heart with a three-tined plastic spoon
06/23/03: 'Like,' like, covers it all
06/16/03: Your career's over when...
06/09/03: FOUND! The Clinton outtakes
05/30/03: Some other tickets I'd like to see
05/28/03: Bottled up by HMOs
05/22/03: We have ways of making you sing
05/20/03: Losing interest in reality
05/13/03: Time & tech wait for no mom
05/08/03: Duck Peking, but not Chinatown
04/29/03: The new SUV - station wagons
04/22/03: Toy alarmists can often be real yo-yos
04/15/03: The Bud Lites of Manhattan
04/01/03: Is that a poem in your pocket?
03/26/03: The view from here --- powerless
03/24/03: Old soldiers never lie
03/18/03: May you choke on your mustache
02/28/03: Iraq needs a dose of reality (TV)
02/20/03: Call the kids the Reheated Generation
02/04/03: Welcome to Mourning TV
01/29/03: Sipping Starbucks on the sly
01/24/03: Golden arches are falling
01/14/03: Designs soar, critics fall flat
01/10/03: Don't smile for the camera
01/06/03: Have they no shame!? My sanity meter is running out
12/31/02: You know, like, resolved
12/23/02: Warning: Art ahead
12/05/02: Hey, boss! Can you hear me now?
12/03/02: Raw & steamy food fight
11/19/02: The new power tie
11/12/02: Googling be gone
11/05/02: Time waits for no blender
10/28/02: As debate rages about 9-11 memorial, a perfect one quietly appears
10/24/02: Your health, their wealth
10/10/02: Sometimes death opens up the door
09/24/02: Reality hits Mickey
09/19/02: Should you report me to the authorities?
09/12/02: War and love: Romance rises from the ashes
08/30/02: If beer is good, spinoffs are great
08/13/02: Braving difficult steps
08/08/02: Can't trust those tourists!
08/02/02: Enquiring about the 'stars'? I already know
07/26/02: Reunions that defy history
07/18/02: Where'd all the logos go?
07/12/02: He's why Boomers leap and twist
07/09/02: Hold on, my molar's ringing
06/25/02: Pitching the fish fork
06/11/02: Water fad is bottled nonsense 06/11/02: 06/07/02: He who brings menus deserves praise
06/04/02: Relish This! The World Trade Center Hot Dog Guy has been found
05/23/02: The return of the tight squeeze
05/15/02: A Little Too Spicy
05/10/02: Okay, start the movie already!
05/07/02: If you win the lottery, you may be out of luck
05/01/02: Driven nuts by drive-time cell phoners
04/16/02: Chats of a lifetime
04/10/02: This Pet Has a Tail to Tell
03/26/02: Hey, New York - Take a Haiku
03/21/02: Your 'victim,' is my 'survivor' is somebody else's 'hero'?
03/19/02: Terrorists, get out your No. 2 pencils
03/14/02: Tribute Has City Back at its Windows
03/06/02: Dumping Ted: Gray Day For the Baby Boomers
02/27/02: Sometimes, lying's the best policy
02/20/02: The Fad That Won't Fade Away
02/12/02: The smoking gun of white-collar crime is making some folks very happy
02/05/02: Exterminators are evolving, too
02/01/02: Don't suffer do drugs
01/22/02: The Blue Light of Happiness
01/18/02: Marlboro's surprising gift to U.S.
01/08/02: Hospitals make me sick
01/02/02: Read-Aloud Resolutions
12/21/01: Nothing's Worse/Than Bad Verse
12/18/01: This Little Dog Bytes
12/13/01: Palm Pilot or Calendar? Paper Wins
12/07/01: The gift of 9/11
12/03/01: Altria Is Really Smokin'

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