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Jewish World Review Sept. 9, 2002 / 4 Tishrei 5763

Steve Young

Steve Young
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Consumer Reports

Bush coalition on fast track

Grenada and 7 Eleven Add Their Backing To Iraqi Invasion | Despite obvious politically motivated cries from the Democrats that the Bush administration's effort to put together an alliance to go to war with Iraq and Saddam Hussein is "not very happening," legions of supporters continue to jump on the war wagon.

Latest to give its unqualified support is the island of Grenada. Said one anonymous Grenada official, "Who knows what other medical schools will be attacked if we don't stop it here."

In addition, 150 7-Eleven locations have also come on board. Sexy Sec'y of State, Donald Rumsfield seemed absolutely beaming. "150 7-Elevens may seem just a blip on the world-wide radar screen, but their counter people alone represent over 250 separate nations, many of them Arab. With this type of worldwide ground swell for the President's war offensive it's not like he'll I need anybody else's approval on this one. Don't take it from, just listen to talk radio."

Notwithstanding Saudi Arabia's Prince Bandar's embarrassing rejection of the Bush plan to get rid of Saddam, which the Crenshaw, Texas White House blamed on under-barbecued Steak-umms, the administration mood remained upbeat.

Presidential spokesperson, Ari Fleischer believes the corner has been turned. "It was rough at first, with countries like Japan, Russia, France, Germany and Saudi Arabia nixing the deal, but we're rolling now." Fleischer listed East Timor, Puerto Rico, Glendale, CA and Oral Roberts University as the latest to join the fast growing coalition.

"While I think that Puerto Rico and Glendale are technically part of the United States," squinted President Bush while standing in front of a "Coalition Good, Saddam Bad" graphic, "the residents are behind us 100% and isn't that what counts when we have to make a decision to send our boys into what we call a 'y'all might not make it back' scenario,'" added the soon to be vacationing again President.

Other potential alliance members include Somalia, South Philly, the Major League Baseball Owners, most of the Backstreet Boys and the guy who sends out all those Internet hoaxes about Bill Gates paying $250 to each person who forwards his e-mail.

JWR contributor Steve Young, Prism Award winner and Humanitas Prize nominee for his television writing, is contributing editor at the Writers Guild of America's "Written By" magazine. He is the author of the forthcoming "Great Failures Of The Extremely Successful," Tallfellow Press, 2002. His website is Comment by clicking here.

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© 2002, Steve Young