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Jewish World Review May 3, 2002 / 21 Iyar, 5762

Steve Young

Steve Young
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Consumer Reports


"Deep Throat" to Be Revealed



But will America Swallow It!?


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Former Presidential confidant John Dean and Salon.com say that on June 17th they will reveal the identity of Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein's inside source for the Watergate story, "Deep Throat", whose clandestine advice to "follow the money," helped take down President Richard Nixon.

That means we have little more than a month, so let the speculation begin!

1. Linda Boreman, a.k.a. Linda Lovelace: With the sad passing of the XXX film star of Deep Throat a couple weeks back, and Woodward's previous assertions that he would not reveal the identity of DT until the person passed away, the timing gives credence that perhaps Deep Throat was "Deep Throat". It's so obvious that it's absolutely brilliant as much as it is devious, but will America swallow this? Of course, any revelation of Lovelace's involvement would spawn many more questions than answers, in which case I hope Dean, Woodward and Dustin Hoffman provide an accounting. For instance: where exactly did they go to find that money and did they bring protection?

2. Hal Holbrook: In the movie All The President's Men, the shadowy figure Woodward and Bernstein met in dark garages and alleyways was the famed Mark Twain impressionist extraordinaire, Hal Holbrook. Wouldn't it be a wonderful bit of tomfoolery on the producers -- and Woodward and Bernstein -- to have the character "Deep Throat" played by the actual "Deep Throat". Questions abound about how Holbrook would have received all the inside access he may have had when he pretty much spent no time in the White House. One possible link: Mark Twain did visit the White House -- but died a number of years prior to Nixon taking office.

3. Richard Nixon: Yep. Tricky Dick himself. I wouldn't put it past the little bugger. Martha Mitchell, John Dean, an American public chock full of Jews, Blacks, and all those hippies. Who needed all that grief? This way he was able to retire early to the white sandy beaches of San Clemente and soon became a foreign diplomacy expert able to make more in one speech than he was pulling down yearly at the White House.

4. O.J. Simpson: The 1968 Heisman Trophy winner visited the White House with his national champion USC team and there was instant chemistry between O.J. and Nixon. Anyone who could get away with murder with so much overwhelming evidence against him would be the perfect person to backstab someone who was close to him.

5. Elvis Presley: The King and the President had forged a friendship going back to the days when Elvis wanted to join the FBI. Perhaps Presley was secretly enlisted into the FBI, and knowing FBI chief J. Edgar Hoover's great dislike for Nixon, what better way for Elvis to please his boss than to out the President? Little-known fact: Hoover was the only man who had a larger wardrobe closet than Elvis. J. Edgar needed a lot of closet space. After all, he spent a lot of time in there.

6. John Lennon: Good Day Sunshine! Could the late ex-Beatle be Watergate's Nowhere Man? Imagine if it was the late ex-Beatle who gave the Fool On The Hill a Ticket To Ride out of town. The Walrus was on the Nixon enemies list. This would be such great turnabout. Oh, please, Let It Be!

7. Pat Nixon: Come on. Who knew better that Tricky Dick was the last man we needed as President?



JWR contributor Steve Young, Prism Award winner and Humanitas Prize nominee for his television writing, is contributing editor at the Writers Guild of America's "Written By" magazine. He is the author of the forthcoming "Great Failures Of The Extremely Successful," Tallfellow Press, 2002 Comment by clicking here.

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© 2002, Steve Young