Jewish World Review April 22, 2002 / 11 Iyar, 5762
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | I've had it. Last night I saw the light, heard the voice, got the message. I am no longer a liberal columnist. Today, I declare myself a Conservative. Did you hear that Mr Murdoch? I disavow my membership to all that is liberal. All that is Socialistic. All that is Democratic. I am more than ready to rip that dern evilite Tom Daschle a new one.
It wasn't an easy decision to make. I've been writing a bunch of clever (so my Mom said) liberal dribble (my hate mail said) that I truly believed in but has gotten me nowhere financially. I've been a failure, and I know what a failure is. I wrote the book on it. Literally. (SEE BIO BELOW)
I'm not Michael Moore nor am I Bill Clinton and Al Franken's got the anti-Rush Limbaugh franchise sewed up, so a book deal was out of the question. I had an idea for a "Sean Hannity Is A Rather Attractive Conservative Who Allows Some People Who Disagree With Him On His Show," book. Not one taker. Perhaps it needed more edge. Okay, that might not have been the best idea to get Roger Ailes to buy up the first 20K copies, but still why does there seem to be no Rupert Murdoch or Regenry Publishing on the Left? Is there no profit in being a liberal? Do not liberals pay to hear what they want to hear? With speaking engagements and a book deal, Clinton is clearing around $20 mil this year. Do you have to be a severely hated President to make a buck here?
Now the spinless one, Bill O'Reilly, CBS insider, Bernard Goldberg, and the lovely lesbian (what a waste), Tammy Bruce, all who claim on their resume to be former liberals and still have some of those track marks still in their arms, have jumped on the "I've Seen The Light And The Left Is Really Bad So Buy My Book" club. Not only do they sell the books but they get lots o' air time on the radio talkies and Fox News. Even Rosie "Gotta Book And A Not So Secret Secret" O'Donnell appeared on The O' Reilly Factor and mea culpa'd many of her liberal beliefs.
It doesn't seem to work the other way around. Former fiction writer for the American Spectator, David Bock, sold a ton when he ripped Clinton, albeit admittedly a publication filled with fabricated hate spiel. Now that he has gone straight, not only is he not selling, but even O'Reilly spent time on Comedy Central's, The Daily Show, defaming Brock, calling him a paid liar for the Left who used to be a paid liar for the Right; someone who was to be ignored. Hard-hitting anchor, Jon Stewart, gave Billy a pass. I wonder when Brock was just a paid liar for the Right if Mr. Spin-nada took him to task.
So here I am, Mr. Murdoch, ready for the big time. It's the Right time, so to speak. I am quite willing to eat my own. I will Rush Limbaugh the unions, Bob Novak colleges and their professors. Ann Coulter anything left of...anything.
I'm just putting the finishing touches on my Conservative coming out column. It's called "I Was A Left Wing Liberal Media Lesbian Liar." It's just the tip of the iceberg. You'll soon be able to read the rest of the diabolical story in my soon to be best-seller, "An Even More Insidious Bias: A Liberal Insider Exposes How the Everyone And Everything On The Left (READ: Democrat) Distorts Everything American."
Now where did I put Sean Hannity's number?
04/15/02: If you truly care about America, you'll read this column