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Jewish World Review Feb. 19, 2002 / 7 Adar, 5762

Steve Young

Steve Young
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Consumer Reports


Greenspan Announces Lower (Television Network) Interest Rates



Latest 'Correction' Could Bring Back "Emeril" and "Ellen"


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com -- IN an effort to reduce the pressure on the major television networks, Federal Reserve Chairman, Alan Greenspan, has announced a decrease in the level of viewer interest required for a prime time show to be considered a success.

"Not many people really care what kind of cr-p network television produces anymore." said Greenspan. "So if interest can't be raised, perhaps decreasing the need for that interest would add the spark networks need to survive."

With the major networks facing dwindling viewership, the rates they are able to charge advertisers have also suffered.

The editor of "TV Advertising, TV Advertising, TV Advertising Monthly," Thom Thinthith, said, "Soon television will be forced to charge advertisers what their advertising is actually worth, and that could be disastrous for the mom and pop billionaires who have their life savings tied up in the major networks."

Prior to leaving, ABC Entertainment President Stuart Bloomberg said, "The mistake we made was relying on the deficit viewership created by "So You Want To Be A Millionaire." That caused such long term debt in the quality of shows that which actually had to be written that it'll be years before we'll get people to turn off HBO." Immediately after making the statement, Bloomberg was summarily "stepped down'd."

The interest drop was the 35th decrease in the last 12 months.

"Personally, Andrea (Mitchell) and I loved 'Emeril' but what are you going to do?" shrugged the enigmatic Greenspan.



JWR contributor Steve Young, Prism Award winner and Humanitas Prize nominee for his television writing, is contributing editor at the Writers Guild of America's "Written By" magazine. He is the author of the forthcoming "Great Failures Of The Extremely Successful," Tallfellow Press, 2002 Comment by clicking here.

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02/12/02: Enron's Skilling mistakenly takes the Fourth, forcing him to spill his guts
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01/24/02: "I'M THE ONE!"
01/16/02: Goodbye "Rincoln Continental," we hardry knew ye
01/14/02: "But He Was Such A Good Boy" gene, found to be defective
01/04/02: PLAY BUZKASHI!
12/31/01: Come on war. You can do better!
12/26/01: NOT MY OSAMA!
12/24/01: TIME caves
12/20/01: Finally! Friends of Color
12/14/01: Bin Laden's Funniest Home Videos
12/10/01: What if Catching bin Laden is in dispute?
11/30/01: Back to normal...too bad
11/16/01: Osama not enough for some
11/09/01: Networks at war!
11/05/01: Bridges Over Troubled Water
10/29/01: The other terrorists
10/16/01: Diary Of A Young Defense Department Comedy Writer
10/01/01: Playlands, burgers, and family sanity
09/25/01: Dissent is walking on red, white and blue egg shells
09/21/01: OPEN LETTER THE MOST HIGH (RE: Falwell and Robertson comments)
09/17/01: Gary, we miss ya
09/10/01: Smelling out a real hero
09/04/01: Don't give up on that dream!
08/24/01: Pitch day at the Mouse
08/21/01: It Depends On What Your Definition Of "Unlimited" Is
08/06/01: IN OPEN LETTER FROM THE NEWS ORGANIZATIONS AND TALK SHOWS OF AMERICA

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© 2001, Steve Young