Jewish World Review June 16, 2003 / 16 Sivan, 5763
Your career's over when...
The Material Girl is now the Brushed Cotton Mama: Madonna reportedly has just signed on as the Gap's newest has-been.
What next? "Papa Don't Bleach"? "Rayon of Light"? "Like a Virgin Wool Crew Neck"?
With those cone bras going corporate, it's obvious the '80s are finally over - and so is Madonna Ciccone. For what is Gap-flacking but the last gasp of a maverick going so mainstream you can see the long-distance phone service endorsement looming on the horizon?
Maybe the ignominy is not obvious to Madonna. Maybe she has no idea what's happening!
Lest an uncool end befall any more of our pop culture icons, the Daily News has compiled an early warning list of hipness killers. Celebs on the edge of the abyss (or psychic hotline contract), take note! You know your career is fork-tender when:
Pixar taps you to dub the voice of the algae.
The brass at Colgate wonders if you would consider soaking in Palmolive.
Lisa Marie Presley calls you for a date.
Demi Moore reaches you first.
You are invited to be the host of the Infoammys - the awards ceremony for infomercials.
You must decline because of a conflict of interest - your own Infoammy-nominated infomercial for a revolutionary new tummy toner.
All-Bran wants to put you on its cereal box.
You are the punch line of a joke on "Will and Grace."
The Carnegie Deli names a sandwich after you.
Your name has become slang for a new computer problem, as in, "The hard drive is doing a [YOUR NAME HERE] again."
You are invited to judge the Pillsbury Low-Sodium, Fat-Free Flaky Cinnamon Roll Bakeoff.
Charlie Rose postpones your chat and "forgets" to call back.
Snapple hires you for its big summer campaign, then sends you a giant Peach Iced Tea costume and a stack of "25 cents off" flyers.
Cadillac begs you to endorse its first minivan.
Bigwigs from Bristol-Myers wine and dine you at Le Cirque, then gradually steer the discussion around to a new drug for boils.
Regis and Kelly have you on to talk about your pet.
"The View" has you on to talk about your pet's cholesterol problem.
Kmart feels you out about developing a sportswear line.
The National Enquirer doesn't care if you've gained 60 pounds.
PETA doesn't care if you wear fur
Your contract arrives from "I'm a Celebrity - Get Me Out of Here!"
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JWR contributor Lenore Skenazy is a columnist for The New York Daily News. Comment by clicking here.
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