Clicking on banner ads enables JWR to constantly improve
Jewish World Review Dec. 5, 2002 / 30 Kislev, 5763

Lenore Skenazy

Skenazy
JWR's Pundits
World Editorial
Cartoon Showcase

Mallard Fillmore

Michael Barone
Mona Charen
Linda Chavez
Ann Coulter
Greg Crosby
Larry Elder
Don Feder
Suzanne Fields
James Glassman
Paul Greenberg
Bob Greene
Betsy Hart
Nat Hentoff
David Horowitz
Marianne Jennings
Michael Kelly
Mort Kondracke
Ch. Krauthammer
Lawrence Kudlow
Dr. Laura
John Leo
Michelle Malkin
Jackie Mason
Chris Matthews
Michael Medved
MUGGER
Kathleen Parker
Wes Pruden
Sam Schulman
Amity Shlaes
Roger Simon
Tony Snow
Thomas Sowell
Cal Thomas
Jonathan S. Tobin
Ben Wattenberg
George Will
Bruce Williams
Walter Williams
Mort Zuckerman

Consumer Reports


Hey, boss! Can you
hear me now?


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Great party, isn't it? I said, "GREAT PARTY, ISN'T IT?" Not pity! "PAR-TEE!" Like, "PAR-TEE ANIMAL." Not enema! "ANIMAL!" Like ... let's dance!

Or flee.

Unless you are ready to screw cocktail napkins into your ears and get hit on all night by Yoda fetishists (they're out there), those are your only options at this season's office parties.

And maybe, at such events, blaring music is a blessing. Do you really want to have a heart-to-heart with your boss? Of course not. You want to grin like Bob Cratchit and shrug helplessly to indicate all the adoring things you'd love to say but, alas, cannot because the music is too loud.

So. Fine. Let those deejays do their thing and you can keep your job. But what's with the Megadeth-plays-the-Meadowlands decibels pulsing through the parties where you actually do want to talk to people, like at bar mitzvahs, reunions and weddings? "My aunt said just two things to me at my wedding," confides one friend: "Congratulations." And, "I can't hear a thing."

The problem is not simply one of old fogyism. (Shut up, young fogies.) The problem is that bands really are getting louder.

"The technology has gotten so much better that the amps are able to handle louder noises without distortion now," says Laurie Hanin at the League for the Hard of Hearing. So, of course, the bands crank 'em up.

Why? RGS - Rock Gods Syndrome.

"The musicians are very frustrated that they're not on tour playing their original songs," says Merry Miller, whose Manhattan agency books bands. "They think they're doing you a favor by lowering their standards and playing a wedding." So they blast away their blues - and everyone at the dessert table.

Plus, says Peter, a friend and former wedding band keyboardist, "It's more fun. You start out at a reasonable level and things get a little excited. The guitarist digs in a little, the drummer starts playing louder, you turn it up a little" - next thing you know, they can hear you in hell.

In fact, that's all they hear down there. And it's always "YMCA."

Actually, Peter confides, the problem really boils down to economics. "I don't think we were ever at a job where the client came up and said, 'I want you to play my wedding every year.'"

Since the event is already bought and paid for, the band is looking for its next gig. It does this by propelling would-be talkers out of their seats.

"We want to see the maximum number of people dancing," says Peter, because the more dancing there is, the more fun the party seems. "And that increases the likelihood that people are going to come up to us and hire us for other jobs."

All of which means that the next party you go to will be even louder. Let's just hope the boss is there, basking in your unsung praise.

Enjoy this writer's work? Why not sign-up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.




JWR contributor Lenore Skenazy is a columnist for The New York Daily News. Comment by clicking here.

Up

12/03/02: Raw & steamy food fight
11/19/02: The new power tie
11/12/02: Googling be gone
11/05/02: Time waits for no blender
10/28/02: As debate rages about 9-11 memorial, a perfect one quietly appears
10/24/02: Your health, their wealth
10/10/02: Sometimes death opens up the door
09/24/02: Reality hits Mickey
09/19/02: Should you report me to the authorities?
09/12/02: War and love: Romance rises from the ashes
08/30/02: If beer is good, spinoffs are great
08/13/02: Braving difficult steps
08/08/02: Can't trust those tourists!
08/02/02: Enquiring about the 'stars'? I already know
07/26/02: Reunions that defy history
07/18/02: Where'd all the logos go?
07/12/02: He's why Boomers leap and twist
07/09/02: Hold on, my molar's ringing
06/25/02: Pitching the fish fork
06/11/02: Water fad is bottled nonsense 06/11/02: 06/07/02: He who brings menus deserves praise
06/04/02: Relish This! The World Trade Center Hot Dog Guy has been found
05/23/02: The return of the tight squeeze
05/15/02: A Little Too Spicy
05/10/02: Okay, start the movie already!
05/07/02: If you win the lottery, you may be out of luck
05/01/02: Driven nuts by drive-time cell phoners
04/16/02: Chats of a lifetime
04/10/02: This Pet Has a Tail to Tell
03/26/02: Hey, New York - Take a Haiku
03/21/02: Your 'victim,' is my 'survivor' is somebody else's 'hero'?
03/19/02: Terrorists, get out your No. 2 pencils
03/14/02: Tribute Has City Back at its Windows
03/06/02: Dumping Ted: Gray Day For the Baby Boomers
02/27/02: Sometimes, lying's the best policy
02/20/02: The Fad That Won't Fade Away
02/12/02: The smoking gun of white-collar crime is making some folks very happy
02/05/02: Exterminators are evolving, too
02/01/02: Don't suffer … do drugs
01/22/02: The Blue Light of Happiness
01/18/02: Marlboro's surprising gift to U.S.
01/08/02: Hospitals make me sick
01/02/02: Read-Aloud Resolutions
12/21/01: Nothing's Worse/Than Bad Verse
12/18/01: This Little Dog Bytes
12/13/01: Palm Pilot or Calendar? Paper Wins
12/07/01: The gift of 9/11
12/03/01: Altria Is Really Smokin'

© 2002, New York Daily News