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Jewish World Review June 9, 2003 / 9 Sivan, 5763

Lenore Skenazy

Skenazy
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Consumer Reports


FOUND! The Clinton outtakes


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | "As a wife, I wanted to wring Bill's neck," [Hillary] Clinton says. ... [But] her decision to run for the Senate from New York provided a healing bridge for them. "Bill and I were talking again about matters other than the future of our relationship. Over time we both began to relax."

NY Daily News, June 4

Relationship experts agree: It's important for couples to share a hobby. Whether it's bird watching, bread baking or the single-minded pursuit of power, a shared activity can help sparring spouses fall in love all over again - as these unpublished pages discovered on Hillary's hard drive seem to indicate:

Tiny beads of red began to bloom beneath the blade as I pressed it to his throat. "Oh, Bubba," I cooed playfully, "You've got some 'splaining to do."

His eyes widened as he tried to gulp, but couldn't. The knife was in his way. "Arghh," he gurgled, eyes bulging. "Think - eeyow! - upstate. Oneonta - arghhh - Skaneateles! Don't get yourself labeled a Manhattan -" he fell to the floor with a thud.

Suddenly, I snapped to my senses. Good lord, what had I done? "Bill! Bill!" I shrieked frantically, bending down to cradle his head. "Bill, my darling, my dearest, my only! Don't - don't get myself labeled what?"

He was sitting up in bed, reading, as I stood behind the door. The second he leaned forward to grab another chip, it was time.

He felt the rope around his neck even before he knew what was happening. His head jerked back like a crash-test dummy, and I let out a snort of laughter.

"Oh, Mr. Forsaking-All-Others," I chirped, yanking the lasso tighter. "So I guess the vast right-wing conspiracy's name is actually Monica Lew-"

"L-l-l-listening!" he gasped, turning Yale blue. "Listening is - cough, cough - key! If they think you've come to lecture them you're -" he spat up blood - "doomed."

Listening? I used the rope to pull him closer, suddenly desperate to kiss the man. What an amazing campaigner! My lips quivered as his eyes rolled back in their sockets. How I wanted to let him live, love, breathe! But first I just had to know:

"Listening to whom?"

He was in the office reviewing some papers when I billy-clubbed the Secret Service officer and slipped in silently. He didn't even realize I was behind him until I said breathily, "Happy Birthday, Mr. President! I realize you're busy keeping the world safe for democracy, but I hear there's one part of you that's been even busier."

The muzzle must have felt cold on his neck, but he was even cooler.

"Actually," he replied, "I was just thinking about [Chuck] Schumer. Friend? Or secret foe?"

The gun clattered to the floor as I picked up a notepad. "Schumer?" I asked.

Bill patted his knees and I climbed into his lap, woozy with lust. After a long, lingering kiss I looked up at my hero and whispered those three little words every husband longs to hear.

"What's our strategy?"

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JWR contributor Lenore Skenazy is a columnist for The New York Daily News. Comment by clicking here.

Up

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