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Jewish World Review June 1, 2001 / 10 Sivan, 5761
James Lileks
It's just an indication of how people feel, nothing more. Give people
enough nasty news, and they become pale sweaty wraiths who can't part with a
dime, lest Ole Man Depression level his scythe in their neighborhood. Pump
up the nation with cheery tales of the New Economy, how 128 goateed idiots
in San Francisco are making millions on the Internet, and supposedly this
makes a screen-door repairman in Missouri decide it's time to buy a new
washing machine.
The Confidence index isn't the only measure of the economy. There's
another: Consumer Satisfaction. The National Quality Research Center, a
center that researches quality, nationally, has released their latest
findings. They show a nation that is - prepare yourself - incrementally less
satisfied this quarter with some things, and slightly more satisfied with
some other things. The effect on the economy? Well, let's examine the
numbers.
Consumers of Pacific Gas and Electric services are almost 33 percent
less satisfied than last year, quite possibly because they've failed to
provide A) Gas, and B) Electricity. People are more satisfied with movies
than hospitals. Why? Because movies don't put gloved fingers in places you
don't want, probably, and because movies encourage you to eat junk food and
stare at naked people. Wander through a hospital eating a jumbo box of Dots
and peeking up people's gowns, and you'll see what sort of reaction you get.
Consumers are also more satisfied with the post office than with broadcast
TV, which means that watching strangers lick stamps was more exciting than
watching the XFL.
Can't argue with that.
People are just as satisfied with newspapers as they were last year, and
that's not surprising; since the absorbancy of most papers has not changed
over the last quarter, and the nation's fourth estate continues to provide
the most economical source of cat-box liner. Hotels, in general slipped over
one percent. What it feels like to be one-percent less satisfied, one can
only guess; it almost sounds as if people were pestered to come up with an
answer. "Well, the soap was loosely wrapped. The complimentary dry-cleaning
bag didn't have that crease you usually expect." And thus the death spiral
of the American economy begins.
Really. Supposedly, companies cut back on customer service in lean
times, which leads consumers to spend less. Which leads to a recession.
Which cuts customer service outlays, until eventually the entire customer
relations department is outsourced to the Mafia - who, for a small fee, will
respond to a complaint by sending around Vinnie "Two Pipes" to put you in
the trunk of a Crown Victoria and drive you around for a few hours.
That's the theory, anyway. But perhaps - and this is just wild
conjecture - people are less satisfied because customer service isn't about
resolving your problem anymore. It's about resolving the paperwork your
problem generates. Perhaps a recession might actually be good for us.
Companies will stop taking us for granted.
Which brings us to one of the lowest rated organizations in the survey:
the IRS, which scored a tad higher than PG&E. It makes one wonder how people
would feel about all government services if they actually felt as if they
paid for them - i.e., if they had to cut a check twice a month instead of
having the money drawn from their paycheck, like blood siphoned off while
you slept.
That will never happen. Ted Kennedy's head would actually explode if
anyone proposed a bill to eliminate payroll withholding. But making people
personally pay withholding taxes might make government more eager to look
like it's earning its keep. States might seek to do more for less, to
attract people disinclined to support gigantic state bureaucracy. A direct
link between taxpayer and payee might even make Consumers more Confident.
But it would sow doubt among the solons of Washington, and they have a
right to be confident. It's there in the Constitution. Vinnie Two Pipes says
so. You got a problem with
05/21/01: One man's toke is another man's snort
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