Jewish World Review August 1, 2003 / 3 Menachem-Av, 5763
Drs. Michael A. Glueck & Robert J. Cihak
Resuscitating the Constitution; CPR American Style
Winston Churchill once remarked that those who love the law
and those who love sausage should not watch either being made.
Let's make some sausage. Specifically, legal sausage. Let's try to
envision what our Constitution would be like, were it to be written today.
Now, this does not mean that we're starting from scratch. The
Founders didn't. The masterpiece of 1787 had behind it centuries of English
constitutional and common law; the colonial experience; twelve years of
confederal government under the Articles of Confederation; lessons learned
from Native Americans; and of course, a profound French influence, derived
especially from three great men: Philippe O'Sophe, Lafayette Escadrille,
and L'Enfant Plaza.
One reason our revolution succeeded where theirs produced the Reign of
Terror and Napoleon is that, unlike the French, our Founders knew when to
stop reading French political documents.
So let's meld their wisdom to ours and get it right for the times.
The Legislative Branch shall consist of an Estates-General, to be
composed of three Houses: Media, Special Interests, and Consumers.
Alternatively, the present Legislative Branch may be retained, provided
they agree that:
The seniority system is hereby abolished. Each House shall elect
its officers and committee chairs at the start of each Congress, without
regard to the length of service of its members.
No piece of legislation may deal with more than one subject. The
use of irrelevant amendments, riders, and other parliamentary devices to
enable reckless spending and idiotic legislation is prohibited. Further,
each Member must certify before every vote that he or she has actually read
and understands the legislation under consideration.
To ensure faithful compliance, the Senior Page of each
House is authorized to administer unannounced spot quizzes. The
Sergeant-at-Arms of each House shall bar any Member failing such
examinations until he or she passes.
No person may be seated to either house unless agreeing that upon
leaving, or voted out by the electorate, to take exit exams for their
"open-to-the-public" permanent file folders. The people need to know how
much brain damage is caused by being a career politician.
No lawyer may be elected to either House or, if elected, seated,
unless upon formal and permanent renunciation of his or her profession,
attitudes, and habits.
The Judicial Branch shall consist of a Supreme Court and of such
inferior courts as may be necessary to keep the Supreme Court busy
regulating every aspect of our lives. The Supreme Court shall consist of
nine Justices, three straight, three gay, and three who've forgotten.
Be it further enacted that no Supreme Court decision shall have
binding Constitutional significance, unless the vote be 6-3 or greater.
No lawyer may serve, save upon formal and permanent renunciation of
his or her profession, attitudes, and habits.
Executive power shall be vested in a President and Vice President,
to be selected by the Estates General from one of the four basic political
factions: Over the Top, Around the Bend, Off the Wall, and out to Lunch.
Further, whenever the President shall be of the male persuasion, the Vice
President shall be of the female, and vice versa.
The President and Vice President may serve one six year term only,
and are not eligible for re-election.
The Department of Defense is hereby redesignated the Department of
Do as We Say.
The Department of State is hereby redesignated the Department of Do
as They Say.
The Department of Education is hereby redesignated the
Department of Political Correctness and Diversity.
The Department of Justice is temporarily abolished until we
figure out what justice is and what "is" is.
All other Departments shall be merged into one Department of
Entitlements, save for the Department of Homeland Security, which shall be
known as the Department of Domestic Inconveniences.
No lawyers need apply.
Finally, the PREAMBLE shall read:
We the People of the United States, confident that our civilization
requires neither civic virtue nor patriotism nor effort nor sacrifice on
anybody's part; serene in the belief that we can run deficits, export jobs,
and trash our environment indefinitely; certain that there's a government
fix for everything; and truth, morality, and competence are irrelevant; do
hereby declare the United States of America, eternal.
And in CONCLUSION:
Henceforth, there will be one single income tax with a flat
rate of 90 percent to support the "single payer plan" so everyone, legal or
not, will receive "free" medical care.
The writers thank Dr. Philip Gold, president of Aretéa, Seattle-based
public and cultural affairs research center, for his legal (whoops-licit)
Michael Arnold Glueck, M.D., is a multiple award winning writer who
comments on medical- legal issues. Robert J. Cihak, M.D., is past
president of the Association of American Physicians and Surgeons.
JWR contributors are Harvard trained diagnostic radiologists.
Comment by clicking here.
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