' Bob Tyrell
Jewish World Review April 1, 2004 / 11 Nissan, 5764

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Sen. Jean Francois' fun and games are only starting — poor Dems


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | I believe the Democrats are onto something. I believe they have devised a very clever plan to stop Sen. John Francois Kerry's decline in the polls.

According to news reports, they are checking him in at an undisclosed hospital for tendon surgery on his shoulder. That will keep him out of sight for a while. After that, they can try knee surgery. He has a record of knee injuries. Then there are his allergies. Off and on they can check him into an allergy sanitarium.

When he actually does appear on the campaign trail, if his penchant for he-man boasts and embarrassing fibs again sinks him in the polls, he can always be briefly hospitalized for "periodic checkups." His medical records indicate that he suffers enough additional maladies that periodic checkups are completely understandable.

Essentially, the Democrats are settling on a campaign strategy not unlike the Republicans' famous "front-porch campaign" that worked so well for the dolt Warren G. Harding in 1920. The goal is to keep the dud candidate remote from voter scrutiny. Divert the press until the candidate's polling numbers stabilize.

Right now, Kerry's polling numbers are wilting against President George W. Bush, and so it is off to shoulder surgery. Actually, no one should be surprised that the Massachusetts Braggart's popularity drops the more the electorate sees of him. He is an absurd figure. His campaign was dead in the water late in 2003 and only picked up steam when Democratic primary voters noted that their frontrunner, Dr. Howard Dean of unhappy memory, was even more absurd.

Now, the French-looking senator is again in the public eye, and what that eye perceives it obviously does not like: the macho candidate ostentatiously purchasing an athletic supporter (size large!), the vacationing skier taking spills on the slopes and bellowing, "I don't fall down."

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Kerry made this silly statement before blaming a Secret Service agent for his tumble and cussing at him. Gentlemen do not act like that. In fact, gentlemen do not bring down on themselves all the ridicule Kerry has provoked by objecting to being referred to as "French-looking." Some White House wag playfully asserted that Kerry "looks French," and Kerry very foolishly threw another of his famous fits, portraying himself as the victim of White House dirty tricks.

Ever since, the nation's wits have been teasing Kerry about his Frenchness. Doubtless he will provide more opportunities for further ridicule — unless the Democrats can keep him in hospitals and clinics.

The reason Kerry is faltering in the polls is that the Massachusetts Braggart is a colossal phony. He has always been a colossal phony, and that is one reason he has never made it out of Massachusetts. He is a second-tier candidate.

A graver worry for the Democrats than Kerry's fall in the polls is the fact that in 2004 — as in 1992 — every Democrat seeking the nomination was second-tier. In 1992, the first-tier candidates feared Bush I. By 2004, it appears the Democrats do not really have a front tier candidate.

John Fund, the insightful political observer from The Wall Street Journal, believes this is because the Democrats are dominated by narrow angry ideologues — for instance, the feminists and the environmentalists. Another reason for the paucity of Democratic presidential talent is that serious presidential contenders come from the governor's mansions. For the first time in decades, the governor's mansions of the four largest states in the nation are inhabited by Republicans.

Thus, the amused political pundits of the nation can anticipate an agreeably comic campaign from the chap whom we now call the Democrats' "presumptive" presidential nominee. To those of you who hooted in joy when Sen. Jean Francois theatrically purchased that jock strap, may I say you ain't seen nothin' yet.

The only damper I can foresee on the proceedings might be the arrival of Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton on the ticket. She would not inspire laughter either as vice presidential nominee or at the top of the ticket. But then with her vast political background and national following, she more closely approximates a first-tier than a second-tier candidate. Is it possible that just as a Clinton put the hex on a Bush in 1992, a Clinton might put the hex on a Bush in 2004?

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JWR contributor Bob Tyrrell is editor in chief of The American Spectator. Comment by clicking here.

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03/11/04: The understandably confused are confused
03/04/04: Hillary, the loyalest of the loyal
02/19/04: Hannity's optimism
02/12/04: The moron vote
02/05/04: At least Lieberman stood for something
01/29/04: Surprised by the government vendetta against Rush?
01/15/04: Eight Angry Men
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01/02/04: It’s lying time again
12/29/03: Alternative "Person of the Year"
12/18/03: Dean and me
12/11/03: Long live Bob Bartley
12/04/03: "Hit 'em when they're down!"
12/01/03: The Wright Stuff
11/13/03: How wrong the naysayers and the utopians have been
11/06/03: Will I be banned from America's campuses?
10/30/03: They don't care about restraint
10/24/03: "The Reagans" and the evidence of a historic life
10/17/03: The Moron Vote
10/09/03: The politics of groping and the groping of politics
10/03/03: Is there a witch doctor in the house?
09/26/03: Funny Girly-Boy
09/18/03: Send Arafat to Paris!
09/15/03: The soi-disant party of Latinos comes down hard on a successful Latino
09/05/03: Placating the carpers
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08/07/03: Angry partisans
07/31/03: Why no ‘holy cities ’ in America?
07/25/03: They underestimate not only the president, but the American people
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06/20/03: Too upsetting for the evening news?
06/12/03: Rain(es)ing Clintoon myths
06/05/03: Hillary-ous is pathetic
05/29/03: Shakedown
05/22/03: End of the last great persecution of the 20th century?
05/15/03 :‘Grey’ turns to grim at Times
05/08/03: The only intellectual force in Western history to gain moral superiority by being wrong
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04/21/03: Stars in search of a galaxy
04/10/03: Baghdad Bob and Tom Daschle
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03/05/03: They just cannot stomach a protracted alliance with the Bushies
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02/18/03: People calling Dean a fruitcake are underestimating his political savvy
02/13/03: The new political establishment
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01/13/03: Why is it that Official Washington still believes that a tax reduction means a revenue reduction?
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12/24/02: Uprooting Christianity in the Holy Land
12/20/02: Under fire, Lott showed an ignobleness that is embarrassing
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11/14/02: Clarence Thomas and the segregationist Mississippi sheriff
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10/31/02: Is the American university turning its back on change, on progress?
10/24/02: So why aren't the Dems buoyant?
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10/03/02: A man above the law, a bully
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09/19/02: I knew Mafiosi and …
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09/05/02: Sympathizing with the Europols
08/29/02: 9-11 did not change us forever
08/22/02: Public persons frivoling with serious matters
08/15/02: Beachcombing among the fat of the land
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08/01/02: Believing the unbelievable
07/25/02: The congressional posse comitatus
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07/11/02: What the prez actually knows
07/04/02: The vindication of a truly original thinker
06/27/02: The perfect book for Hillary
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06/13/02: Daschle must begin to act like an adult
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05/30/02: Revealing a carefully guarded media secret
05/23/02: In these times, thank Heaven for Clinton!
05/16/02: Fast Times at the Church of the Nativity
05/09/02: "Name the Prettiest Suicide Bomber"
05/02/02: Vindication for the Boy Scouts
04/25/02: A topic almost no other columnist will touch
04/18/02: 'Conventional Wisdom' --- and those who defy it
04/11/02: Let the Sun shine in
04/05/02: Hooded men of color in sheets
04/01/02: A McCain-Feingold Act for Hollywood
03/21/02: Yakkin' on Yates
03/15/02: No role for Paul Volcker in Enron: the movie
03/07/02: My membership in the Communist Party U.S.A.
02/27/02: This award is bestowed by 'contrarians'
02/21/02: Mike Tyson: Made for Washington?
02/14/02: Enron as underdog?
02/07/02: Freed from the presence of money -- hard or soft -- most politicians would be just as bad
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01/24/02: Hucksters will move on to make their next marks
01/17/02: Debonair prez should begin to do the High Life
01/10/02: Move over Twinkies --- "the acne medicine made him do it!"
01/03/02: Leaving the Nazis looking comparatively humane
12/27/01: A "self-made journalist"
12/20/01: Calamities and unanticipated benefits
12/13/01: America's grief ought not to give comfort to those who caused it
12/06/01: Leahy, the strict civil libertarian!? A short-term exploiter of the Constitution is more like it
11/29/01: Welcome to Afghan, Maryland?
11/26/01: So, why don't more folks hate us?
11/15/01: America's quagmire and other certainties
11/09/01: No longer the smug statists, the prodigal Keynesians?
11/01/01: The New Seriousness
10/25/01: Bright lights and the Taliban
10/18/01: Is bin-Laden propaganda from Western intelligence?
10/12/01: No yellow ribbons
10/05/01: Bubba's back --- again!
09/28/01: Exposing peacetime's frauds
09/21/01: So protected, we're vulnerable
09/14/01: At Barbara Olson's home
09/11/01: Duh! All conservatives are racists
08/31/01: Arafat's terrorists have created their own hell
08/24/01: Time for some political prophecy
08/16/01: They claim to be doing so much good
08/10/01: Visiting the source of the White House braintrust
08/03/01: Morality and reality
07/31/01: Blinded by success?
07/24/01: The latest Kennedy capitulation in Massachusetts
07/13/01: Talk about tawdry
07/06/01: Delighting in the Dictator
06/29/01: The G-dphobes
06/21/01: Fashionable Washington is sempiternally in a stew
06/15/01: The limits of hypocrisy
06/08/01: Flagging our general apathy

© 2001, Creators Syndicate