Jewish World Review Dec. 6, 2002 / 1 Teves, 5763

Greg Crosby

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Consumer Reports

New Toys for 2002 | Toy companies knock themselves out each year in an attempt to come up with the holiday season's hottest must-have toy. In addition to old standbys like Barbie dolls, Monopoly games, and teddy bears, the toy industry produces several new items each Christmas in the hopes of capturing the imagination of America's children and getting a toy on Santa's most wanted list of "must-haves."

If you haven't yet been to the stories, I offer the following list of new and unusual toys for 2002 as a guide in selecting just the right gift for that special little rascal in your life.


"Clueless": In the spirit of the classic mystery game,"Clue," Parker Bros. now introduces "Clueless," a mystery game for the 21st Century. Players choose identities of various clueless celebrity stars like Winona Ryder, Christina Aguilera, Julia Roberts, Robert Downey Jr., and Richard Gere. The clueless players go around the board searching for the spiritual meaning of life, worthy politically-correct causes to support, and the most influential talent agents in town. Along the way players collect plastic surgery cards, tattoos, multi-media package deals, and personal visits with the Dalai Lama.

"Go To The Head of the Class": That famous schoolroom game but with new questions to reflect the intelligence quotient of today's youth. Questions like, "Can you name an obscenity that Emenem has NOT uttered on a recording yet?" And "what is the drug of choice for Cher THIS decade?"

"Ebonic Scrabble": No dictionary is required for this new version of the classic word game since there are no right or wrong spellings to words you make. Just do your own thing and scoop up the points! Anything goes!

"Eco-Game": This organic game is made without any paper whatsoever. No trees were destroyed. No animals were harmed in it's manufacture and there are no harmful chemicals in it's make-up. No plastics or other synthetic materials were used. All playing pieces are biodegradable. Entire game consists of 5 small rocks contained within a half of a conch shell. Sorry, we can't enclose the instructions since that would mean using paper -- so make up your own game.

"The Game of 20 Years to Life": First you drop out of school....

"Uncle Wobbly": A race game. How many "last chances" do evil despots like Arafat and Saddam get from President Bush before they can no longer pass go?

"The Homeland Security Game": Each player picks a color, spins the wheel, rolls the dice and hopes for the best.

"Mayor Bloomberg's New York Monopoly": Chose one player to be Mayor Bloomberg. Then the other players give all their taxes to the mayor. Mayor has the option of changing street directions on the board any time he wants to in order to louse up the other players. The mayor collects tolls on every space on the board. The mayor cannot go to jail -- and neither can the street people. Might just as well give all your money to the mayor. He's the only one who can win this game.


"Michael Jackson's Bouncing Baby Boy Doll": comes equipped with it's own 200 foot bungee cord so you can drop him from just about any height and he'll bounce right back up at you.

"Changeable Albert Doll": An Al Gore action (perhaps inaction, would be more appropriate) figure doll. Comes complete dressed in earth tones and with a "I Will Fight For You" placard and removable beard. Many, many other outfits reflecting a wide variety of personalities are available at additional cost.

"Anna Nicole Smith Doll": It wets, burps, vomits and smells.

"Chicken Dance Daschle": Patterned after soon-to-be House Minority Leader Tom Daschle. Pull the string and listen to him blame the democrat losses in the last election on conservative talk radio hosts. Talk about a chicken dance!

"Babs Barbie": At last, a Barbie doll that looks just like Barbra Streisand. Comes complete with a wrong-headed misspelled political manifesto and sheets from the Lincoln bedroom.

"Osama bin Laden doll": Probably the hardest doll to find this year.

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JWR contributor Greg Crosby, former creative head for Walt Disney publications, has written thousands of comics, hundreds of children's books, dozens of essays, and a letter to his congressman. A freelance writer in Southern California, you may contact him by clicking here.

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© 2001 Greg Crosby