Jewish World Review Oct. 10, 2003 / 14 Tishrei, 5764

Greg Crosby

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Consumer Reports

We Won! | LOS ANGELES It's not polite to laugh at someone when you win and they lose, my mother always told me. Always try to be a gracious winner, she'd say. Well, sorry, mom, but I'm not feeling gracious nor polite today. So, pardon me if I laugh out loud in the loudest most ungracious, ill polite way I can - HA,HA,HA,HA,HA,HA, HA,HA,HA,HA,HA,HA! HAR-DE-HAR HAR! HO-DE-HO HO! TEE HEE! GUFFAW! CHORTLE! SNICKER! GIGGLE! CHUCKLE!

We, the people, won on Tuesday and it felt terrific. We, the people, threw the bum out and at the same time sent a message to the California legislature that we've had it with the "tax and spend" system of government that has all but destroyed our once great state. The people of California voted "no" but it wasn't "no on the recall." We said, "No, we don't want our car registrations to triple in price, thank you very much!" "No, we don't want to allow people who are in this country illegally to have driver's licenses (which, in turn, makes it a snap for those illegals to register to vote). "No, we don't want to be lied to anymore." "No, we don't want businesses to continue moving out of state." "No, we don't want to increase the size of government and welfare programs in this state." "No, we don't need any new taxes to help pay for the bloated special interest spending that has been going on here for far too long!"

This recall was a real grassroots effort, democracy at its best. People in California are historically not interested in politics. Just show us the beach and give us our lattes and leave us alone. Davis and his Dems screwed up because they just wouldn't leave us alone. So the laid-back people of LA-LA land awoke. We didn't like what was happening to our state and we did something about it - we threw the lying bum out. The people won.

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The last minute smear tactics of the Left Angeles Times failed pathetically. The gutter politics engaged in by that paper showed them for what they have always been - a political house organ for the left. A hack newspaper. As one commentator said shortly after the Times began their puke journalism, "if you go out this morning and find your LA Times in the gutter, leave it there - that's just where it belongs."

The problem I have with the Times is that it pretends to be fair to all sides and it clearly isn't. Its news reporting is consistently left-leaning. I'm talking about the front page, the place where news is supposed to be reported factually without commentary and viewpoint. Look, if the Times wants to run editorials and op-ed pieces day after day that are only liberal that's fine - it is their prerogative, and I'm okay with that. But, the Times doesn't stop with the editorial pages, their bias permeates the front section, the Metro, the Calendar section, the food section, and even the comics section (check out which comic strip is printed twice the size of all the others - hint: it's not BLONDIE). Hell, if they could figure out a way of getting a liberal slant into the classifieds, they'd do it.

And what the Times tried to do to Arnold Schwarzenegger on the Thursday before the Tuesday election stoops to a new low, even for them. No wonder they're being called "The Los Angeles Slimes." In the past they'd at least try to be subtle with their little biases, like always referring to Schwarzenegger as "the actor." But then, in the last few days of the campaign they must have gotten really scared - because they dropped all pretence and went totally blatant with their contempt for Arnold by attempting to make a sex scandal where none existed. Well, it didn't work. I guess "the paper of record" for California isn't as influential as they think they are. The Times not only lost the election, they lost thousands of subscribers. At the risk of repeating myself, HA,HA,HA,HA,HA,HA,HA,HA,HA,HA,HA,HA!

Now that the election is over, the really tough work lies ahead - like training the ditzy TV newsreaders on how to correctly pronounce SCHWARZENEGGER. No, girls, it is NOT pronounced, "SWARTZ-A-NEGGER." There is a "CH" that comes before the "W" and it produces a sound like "shhhh." So, the pronunciation is closer to "shhhwartzenegger" than it is "swartzanegger." Got it?

Another thing we've got to work on is training the newsreaders not to look so completely downhearted when announcing that a republican has won an election. Hey, it's okay, you guys. Don't feel so sad. The democrats will win again, really! Meanwhile, your job is to read the election results and other news without looking like your Botox injections have just worn off. You were hired to be attractive-looking automatons who, hopefully, can read from a TelePrompTer without moving your eyes back and forth too much. So get over yourselves.

Governor Schwarzenegger has got his work cut out for him. The easy part is over, and now he's got to do what Davis couldn't do - be competent. That doesn't mean that he has to solve all of California's problems overnight, but it does mean that he needs to try hard to improve the current situation in a reasonable period of time. It also means that he'd better not lie to us. And Arnold had better not raise our taxes, either. Because if he does, he'll be run out of politics faster than he got in. The voters of this state will forgive a lot, but they'll never forgive that. Don't mess with the people.

Just show us the beach, give us our lattes, leave us alone, and no one gets hurt.

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JWR contributor Greg Crosby, former creative head for Walt Disney publications, has written thousands of comics, hundreds of children's books, dozens of essays, and a letter to his congressman. A freelance writer in Southern California, you may contact him by clicking here.

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© 2001 Greg Crosby