Jewish World Review May 31, 2002 / 20 Sivan, 5762

Greg Crosby

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Questions... | When writing a weekly column, it's necessary to try to keep on top of what's going on in the world. Towards that end, I read several newspapers, scan the Internet news sites, listen to radio, watch television, go to an occasional movie, and attend various live events.

And with all that, you might think that I would have all the answers. Well, I don't. With each week that passes, the more input I gather, the more questions arise. For instance:

If, as some claim, allowing openly homosexual men to be scoutmasters in the Boy Scouts would do no harm to young boys, how does one explain the harm done by homosexual Catholic priests to young boys? Would homosexual scoutmasters possess greater self-control or have higher morals than the homosexual priests?

Have you noticed this new trend where television entertainers like Oprah Winfrey and Tom Brokaw publicly announce their forthcoming retirement plans YEARS ahead of time? First of all, an awful lot can happen in several years. And secondly, who really gives a flying fajita?

Spiderman is the biggest movie in the history of the whole entire universe. Why?

How come all young girls from the ages of about 12 to 30 sound alike? No matter where they come from - New York, Texas, California, Transylvania - they all have the same cadence to their speech. Could it be maybe too much television sit com watching? Hmmm? P.S. It's not a pretty sound, either. It makes them sound like they're all dummies, and they're really not -- are they?

And speaking of teenage geniuses, did you hear about the two lads who went out and had their entire foreheads tattooed with the call letters of a radio station because they heard that if they'd do it, the station would pay them vast sums of money for many years for advertising. And you thought the only imbecilic young men were Arab fundamentalists. Hey, who says the youth of America don't use their heads?

So after more than a year of searching for Chandra Levy, her remains are finally found. Police comb the surrounding area looking for any additional clues -- microscopic fibers, hair, blood, DNA traces, etc. After careful forensic analysis is done, after all the evidence is collected, after state-of-the-art techniques are employed, it is determined that her death was .... caused by murder. You can't put anything over on those crack D.C. cops, no sirree.

What is it with Senator Tom Daschile? It seems like every couple of weeks or so he tries to "catch" President Bush in some new convoluted trumped-up scandal or stall judge appointments or do whatever he can to keep things stirred up and dysfunctional in Washington. Does he ENJOY being a worm? Is his official title Senate Majority Weasel? What - does he wake up in the morning and say, "Today I'm going to go out there and be a nasty little weasel again." The guy gives me the creeps.

If the FBI has really been involved in covering up for their screw-ups, not getting information to the proper people, including President Bush, then why aren't heads rolling as we speak? They should. And the first head should be Director Mueller. These clowns are messing with all of our lives here and they should be removed so they can do no further harm.

How is it that the form of music which is the least musical, i.e. Hip-Hop and Rap, has managed to outlast any other style of American music in popularity? Big Bands had about a 15 year window, 50's rock and roll hung in for about 10 years, but Hip-Hop is going on its third decade!

Why is Sadaam Hussein still alive and in power?

These are just a few questions that have perplexed me lately. Some of them may have no answers at all. Or maybe you have your own answers for them. Maybe you have additional questions, too. If so, that's a good thing. We've got to keep asking questions. As the man said, "You can't get the answer until you ask the question."

JWR contributor Greg Crosby, former creative head for Walt Disney publications, has written thousands of comics, hundreds of children's books, dozens of essays, and a letter to his congressman. A freelance writer in Southern California, you may contact him by clicking here.

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© 2001 Greg Crosby