Mother...boards

http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | One of the benefits to having a computer guru as a husband is that my computer is always running. Some of the other benefits vary in their degree of quality, depending upon your perspective.

For example, the fact that we have our own server (a "super computer" that networks all of the computers in the house together) is one of those benefits. Most people only have servers in their office and do not have network cable running like holiday lighting throughout their house; we do.

Some men like to fix up old cars. My husband likes to fix up old computers. Again, this has its advantages, like the very inexpensive computer we were able to give to the children. However, my list of uses for old motherboards is beginning to rival Martha Stewart's list of uses for old dishtowels, and the sight is less than pretty.

Just how many motherboard spoon rests does one kitchen need? And while I am sure my sister very much appreciated the Shaker-inspired motherboard coat rack I made her for Christmas last year, I'm not so sure she'd like another one.

The very fact that several computer towers stacked up on their side make for a very nice nightstand is indeed useful information for those inhabiting a college dorm, but I'm not sure that Ethan Allen would be as impressed.

I am fortunate, though, in that my own decorating scheme includes a couch already made of motherboard green, so the ability to match my accessories - like the motherboard mirror and key holder next to the front door - was predestined.

The fact that it took me years to even accept the computer as part of my life was shocking enough. In college, I had a professor in love with his computer (no, this was not my husband-to-be). This was 1990, and this crazy man was convinced that the computer was the wave of the future.

"Whatever," I said, in my best Valley Girl tone.

"It's true," the crazy man raved during American Literature class. "Someday, I will be able to administer tests only on the computer. You will be able to click on words and have entire sections open up right before your eyes."

"Whatever," we said.

"Listen to me! It's true! Haven't you ever heard of Prodigy? We will all be connected by computer. I will send you messages by computer!"

"Whatever," I said, and then I went out and bought my first word processor. This was basically an electric typewriter with a small LCD screen. I would type a line in the screen and then the typewriter would type the line on the paper. Enough memory for one line. Forget what the typewriter could handle, that was all I could handle.

So how did it come to be that I would not only marry a computer guru, but we would bear little computer geeks? I have no idea. All I know is that my 9-year-old son came to me the other day and asked:

"Mom? Can I put that computer in the basement in my room?"

"Yeah," I said. "But wait until your father gets home, I have no idea how to set it up."

"Oh, I can set it up," he said. "I just wanted to make sure it was OK."

Not 20 minutes later the computer was humming and beeping in my son's room. I think he installed the operating system too, but I'm not sure.

I was amazed. How did I get such a brilliant child? He will be a rocket scientist, surely. A scholarship to MIT must be in the making for the child who can so swiftly set up such complex circuitry. My daydreams were interrupted by that familiar call:

"Mom!"

"Yes?" I said, pleasantly withdrawing myself from dreams of my Nobel Prize-winning child.

"Could you come down to the basement and help me?"

"What's the matter?"

"I can't figure out how to turn on the washing machine."

I'd have asked his father to help him, but he was too busy trying to figure out his new digital watch.

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JWR contributor Michelle Kennedy is the mother of four, a humor columnist for the Green Bay Press Gazette and author of The Last Straw Strategies, four books full of tips to tell you how real moms and dads deal with the best and worst of parenting. Comment by clicking here.

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