Thomas, Elmo, Grover and other negative influences

http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | As if being a parent weren't hair-raising enough, now even Thomas the Tank Engine is on the chopping block as television that is irresponsible for our children.

Not Thomas?

Yes. Poor little Thomas, who never said a cranky word or harmed nary a pigeon on the tracks. According to British psychologist Brian Young, the large number of accidents in the program could have a negative influence on children.

"Thomas the Tank Engine is aimed at a pre-school audience who tend to be more likely to see the program as a reality," said Young, an expert on how children react to TV programs.

There is evidence that children who watch programs that consistently portray the same image tend to think there is more danger than there actually is, he explained.

"As a result there is a possibility that the sheer amount of crashes they see on Thomas could frighten them," Young said. "Seeing lots of crashes on TV means they could end up absolutely terrified of going on a train."

I could almost see his point. Almost. Until a recent Sunday when my four year old was sitting, entranced with his older brother, in front of the television watching, what else? Nascar. This is a sport. A sport, mind you (OK, whether or not it's really a sport is a whole other column), that people watch specifically in the hope that someone will crash.

In fact, rather than being afraid of getting in the car after watching car crashes on that fun, new channel we get on our dish dedicated solely to racing sports, my four-year-old son sat back in his seat one snowy day and not only laughed with glee as I fishtailed the car slightly getting out of the driveway, but cheered for me to crash "into somefing" in the grocery store parking lot.

So, what's next? Now that Thomas is deemed a negative influence, where can I turn for happy entertainment for my child and a peaceful two minutes in the bathroom for myself?

How about Elmo? Good old Elmo. Surely he can't be negative. Except for that shrill laugh. And the baby talk. Oh no, Elmo is going to damage my child's hearing and cause him to have a speech impediment. OK, Elmo's out.

What about Blue? No, can't watch Blue. Blue and Joe do that whole skidooing thing and that isn't based in reality. I wouldn't want my kid to get a borderline imagination overindulgence complex. Yup, Blue's gotta go.

And Grover! Grover thinks he's a superhero. Don't you remember Super Grover? He was blue, strong and nice. Oh, and he was cute too. Come on, you can hear the voice in your head. But obviously, Grover was mentally impaired and could be giving children the wrong idea by swooping down and saving Prairie Dawn from the Big Bad Wolf. Grover's out. Wouldn't want a bunch of kids out in their backyards swooping off garages and saving muppets from wolves, now would we?

This is just the type of ponderous fluff that makes obsessive, worry wart mothers like myself go absolutely insane. What am I supposed to do with information like this? Watch my child for the telltale signs of seasonal cartoon character disaffectedness disorder? Keep him away from trains? Yeah, that's likely. As I write this, Liam has matchbox cars pitted against his wooden trains and they are bashing the blankety blank out of each other. He's very frightened by all of this negative impact. I'm sure of it.

What bothers me more is that this guy, this overpaid very pseudo-academic guy, actually believes he is providing parents a service. He thinks he is being helpful. You know what would be helpful? A guilt-free hour where my children were allowed to watch any kids' show they wanted and I was allowed to lay in the bathtub.

I really do wish all of these academic-types would leave us alone. Sheesh. The next thing you know, they'll be telling us that kids should be eating more fruits and vegetables.

Like I need that to worry about.

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JWR contributor Michelle Kennedy is the mother of four, a humor columnist for the Green Bay Press Gazette and author of The Last Straw Strategies, four books full of tips to tell you how real moms and dads deal with the best and worst of parenting. Comment by clicking here.

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