Clicking on banner ads enables JWR to constantly improve
Jewish World Review June 1, 2000 / 27 Iyar, 5760

Michael Kelly

Michael Kelly
JWR's Pundits
World Editorial
Cartoon Showcase

Mallard Fillmore

Michael Barone
Mona Charen
Linda Chavez
Ann Coulter
Greg Crosby
Larry Elder
Don Feder
Suzanne Fields
James Glassman
Paul Greenberg
Bob Greene
Betsy Hart
Nat Hentoff
David Horowitz
Arianna Huffington
Marianne Jennings
Michael Kelly
Mort Kondracke
Ch. Krauthammer
Lawrence Kudlow
Dr. Laura
John Leo
David Limbaugh
Michelle Malkin
Jackie Mason
Chris Matthews
Michael Medved
MUGGER
Kathleen Parker
Wes Pruden
Debbie Schlussel
Sam Schulman
Roger Simon
Tony Snow
Thomas Sowell
Cal Thomas
Jonathan S. Tobin
Ben Wattenberg
George Will
Bruce Williams
Walter Williams
Mort Zuckerman

Consumer Reports
Newswatch


Sunshine on My Shoulders


http://www.jewishworldreview.com -- A WALK IN THE WOODS with a 4-year-old (more or less verbatim):

"Carry me. Please, carry me. Please, carry me. I really need you to carry me. My legs are very tired. Just a little bit, okay? No, not that way. Shoulders, carry on shoulders. Okay, I'll hold your hair, and I'll pull it this way when you should go this way and that way when you should go that way. Right?

"It's very muddy. Why is it muddy? What makes mud? It's very slippery, right? Why is mud slippery? When sand gets wet it's not slippery, right? Why isn't sand slippery? If it rains some more, there will be more mud, right? Will there be a tornado? If there is a tornado, we will go in the basement, right? Because in a tornado, you go in the basement, right? Why aren't there tornadoes here? There are some tornadoes here, right? One or two, probably. If there is a tornado while we are walking, we'll go home and go in the basement, right?

"Can I walk in the mud? This mud is making my boots muddy. It's good that we're wearing boots, right? All men wear boots, right? Some ladies wear boots too, right? If there is a tornado, you should always wear boots, right? You should wear boots and go in your basement. Can I walk in the water? Are there fish in this water? Where are the fish? Why can't you see the fish? Are there frogs in this water? Where are the frogs? Are the fish and the frogs hiding? We'll throw rocks in the water and that will make the fish and the frogs come up, right? Can I walk on this rock? Why are there rocks in this water? Why is this rock flat and the other rock not flat? I'm just going to put my feet in the water a little bit, okay? My boots fell off. Can you get my boots? Get my boots, please. See, one is over there and one is over there. Don't go in the water? Why did you go in the water? Your legs are wet, did you notice? It's good that you got my boots, right? Shoulders, please.

"This hill is very hard to go up, right? Why do people pick up dog poop and not horse poop? Why are horses bigger than dogs? Why is there a fence here? Why is there a tractor here? Why did somebody leave the tractor here? Why is the tractor broken? Why doesn't somebody fix the tractor? Somebody should fix the tractor, right? Probably somebody will come and fix the tractor tomorrow, right? Why don't we have a tractor? Probably we used to have a tractor, right? When we move to Boston we will get a tractor, right? Why won't we get a tractor? We should get a tractor. I really need a tractor.

"Why is it raining now? I need my umbrella. Will you go back to the house and get my umbrella? I'll wait here. You bring my umbrella here. Please. I said please. Why won't you go back to the house and get my umbrella? I really need my umbrella. Is this a tornado? Probably this is a tornado, right? We better go back to the house and get in the basement. You should run. Why can't you run with me on your shoulders? I'm very heavy, right?

"It stopped. The rain stopped. Why does it rain and then it stops? Now, it's even more slippery, right? It's very hot now, isn't it? I don't want to go back anymore. Let's go this way. I said, go this way, horsey. Why does it hurt when I pull your hair? Okay, I'll only pull it a little bit, okay? This hill is very hard to go down, right? Don't fall. Why did you fall? Where are your glasses? Why are they broken? Why did you step on them? You should not have stepped on them, right? It's okay. Probably we can get some glue and fix them, right? You have a hole in your pants, did you notice that? Probably you made a hole in your pants when you fell down, right? You should not have fallen down, right?

"I don't want to go home. Why do you want to go home? It's not raining anymore, so we don't have to go home. Anyway, they don't have tornadoes here, right? No, I don't want to go home. I really need to walk some more. Let's go just a little more. Okay?"


Michael Kelly is the editor of National Journal. Send your comments to him by clicking here.

Up

05/24/00: Last Chance for a Hardened Prevaricator
05/17/00: Cuomo's Thought Police
05/10/00: Hammering DeLay
05/04/00: Some Closing Thoughts
04/28/00: Endangering Elian
04/19/00: Imitation Activism
04/12/00: Why they hate Bubba
04/05/00: Census and nonesense
03/29/00: The Stiffs and Their Statuettes
03/15/00: Anarchy in Kosovo
03/08/00: Reform joke
03/01/00:The Pinhead Factor
03/01/00: The Christian Right: Past Its Prime . . .
02/24/00: McCain's Majority
02/16/00: Sharpton's Supplicants
02/09/00: The GOP Pilgrims' Sad Tale
02/02/00: Fodder For the GOP
01/26/00: Million-Dollar Mediocrity
01/19/00: Campaign Reform: Let's Pretend
01/12/00: Never Again? Oh, Never Mind
01/05/00: Turn Off, Tune Out, Drop In
12/22/99: Gore's TV Gambit
12/15/99: Campaigns Do Clarify
12/08/99: Kosovo's Killers
12/01/99: Not Ready for Prime Time?
11/24/99: The Company He Keeps
11/17/99: Republican Illusion
11/10/99: The Know-Nothing Media
11/03/99: Necessary Partisanship
10/27/99: Buchanan's Gift to George W. Bush
10/21/99: Who are the real friends of the poor?
10/14/99: Gore's 'courage'!?
10/08/99: Republican Stunts
09/23/99: Buchanan's folly
09/16/99: Beatty and Buchanan: That's Entertainment!
09/09/99: Puerto Rico Surprise (Cont'd)
09/02/99: Puerto Rico Surprise
08/12/99:The Age of No Class
08/05/99: Assessing Welfare Reform
07/29/99: On the Wrong Side
07/21/99: Mass Sentimentality
07/15/99: Blame Hillary
07/08/99: Guide to the Arts: For Your Summer Reading . . .
06/30/99: A Perfectly Clintonian Doctrine
06/25/99:Smorgasbord by the Sea
06/16/99: A National Calamity
06/09/99: Stumbling Forward
06/02/99: Commencement '90s-Style
05/26/99: Will we ever learn? Clintochio is a lying ...
05/19/99: Comforting Milosevic
05/13/99: Short-Order Strategists
05/06/99: Four Revolting Spectacles

©1999, Washington Post Co.