Andy Borowitz
Rumsfeld defends tactics
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | U.S. interrogators are pressuring Saddam Hussein to cooperate with them by repeatedly showing him ABC's two-hour wedding special featuring "Bachelorette" Trista Rehn and Ryan Sutter, the Pentagon acknowledged today.
News of the Pentagon's use of "Trista and Ryan's Wedding" rippled through international human rights
circles today, with some watchdog groups claiming that showing certain reality programs to prisoners
of war could be in violation of the Geneva Conventions.
"Watching Trista marry Ryan once is punishment, but watching it six, seven times in a row may in fact
constitute torture," said Dr. Josef Claire, a leading human rights activist based in Brussels.
At a press briefing in Washington, Secretary of Defense Donald H. Rumsfeld said that showing
Saddam the video of the Rehn-Sutter nuptials was "something we did not enter into lightly."
"Is forcing someone to watch 'Trista and Ryan's Wedding' cruel? Yes," Mr. Rumsfeld said. "But I submit
to you: so is Saddam Hussein."
In addition to defending the use of the excruciating wedding special, the Defense Secretary refused to
rule out playing Clay Aiken's new CD to the Iraqi madman "over and over again until he screams."
"If I may remind you, gentlemen," he said, "we are at war."
In other Saddam news, the owner of the farm in Tikrit where the Iraqi strongman was captured objected
to the media's characterization of the dictator's hiding place as a "hole."
"You try to rent out a place that everybody and his uncle is calling a hole," the farmer said. "Okay, it's not
roomy, but it would be perfect for a young couple starting out."
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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author of the just released "Who Moved My Soap? The CEO's Guide to
Surviving in Prison and
"Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" , "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.
