Jewish World Review Oct. 2, 2003 / 6 Tishrei, 5764

Richard Lederer

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It's Saddam Shame | Now that the war in Iraq is over, Kuwait no longer. It's time to get Syria-s. Iraqued my brain and can now unveil my pun-ishing view of the rotten potato who ruled Iraq as a cruel dick-tator. Saddam's dictatorship caused his country to go from Iraq to ruin, turning his citizens into a nervous Iraq. He was like some scorpion who crawled out from under Iraq.

I've long wondered if Saddam Hussein got that name because he was so damn insane. That insanity caused him to be caught between Iraq and a hard place. Like Little Miss Muffett, Saddam wiped out many Kurds in his way. His evil is proven by the perfect and revealing palindrome: DRAT SADDAM, A MAD DASTARD.

Photographs of Saddam's atrocities prove the cruelty of his regime. These images have been collected into an exhibit, titled the "Iraqui Horrors Picture Show." When Hollywood makes a movie about Saddam's dark life, it'll be called "Iraqniphobia."

Before the war, Saddam built concrete bunkers because his accountant had told him he would need attacks shelter. This way he hoped to cover his assets.

Oil tanks considered, Saddam was an absolute hypocrite. Despite denial after denial, he clearly wanted to rule de Nile. And like Cleopatra, he made an asp of himself. I hear that they're going to name a city after Hussein, the city right next to Gomorrah. Then we'll have Saddam and Gomorrah.

When the Shiite hit the fan, the coalition of the willing exercised its freedom of warship. Saddam's enemies have now given him a whoopin' of mass destruction. We owe this to our brave troops and to our superior technology, the product of math instruction.

With Saddam's buildings in ruins, he'll be remembered not for his massive palace but for his passive malice. Saddam may be dead; he may be alive. If he is alive, some rogue state may have given him Hussein asylum. If that is the case, you can be sure that, even though Saddam thought he was the father of his country, the forces of good will eventually bag dad.

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JWR contributor Richard Lederer is a language maven. More than a million of his books, which have been Book-of-the-Month Club and Literary Guild alternate selections, are in print. He is the host of "A Way With Words," on KPBS, San Diego Public Radio, and a regular guest on weekend "All Things Considered." He was awarded the Golden Gavel for 2002 by Toastmasters International. Comment by clicking here.


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© 2003, Richard Lederer