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Jewish World Review Sept. 20, 2004 / 5 Tishrei, 5765

Andy Borowitz

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Kitty Kelley: Bush had affair with Sinatra

Explains absence from National Guard, author says | Celebrity biographer Kitty Kelley stirred the controversy over President George W. Bush’s National Guard service again last night, claiming that the young Mr. Bush was absent from his Guard unit because he was carrying on a torrid affair with the legendary singer Frank Sinatra.

Ms. Kelley, who revealed her latest bombshell about Mr. Bush and Mr. Sinatra last night on CNN’s “Larry King Live,” said that the Bush-Sinatra affair has been one of the best-kept secrets of the Bush presidency.

“They are doing their darnedest to hush this thing up,” Ms. Kelley said. “A president having an affair with Frank Sinatra has always been the third rail of American politics.”

According to Ms. Kelley’s account, Mr. Bush frequently left his Guard unit in the years 1972-3 to join Mr. Sinatra on his standing-room-only tour of North America.

She went on to say that in the course of “sanitizing” the President’s military service records, Guard officials destroyed a treasure trove of love letters exchanged between the future President and the fabled crooner.

While many political observers expected Sen. John Kerry to be the beneficiary of the latest round of revelations about President Bush and Frank Sinatra, new polls suggest that just the opposite may be the case.

According to a survey of likely voters taken last night, 58% said they would rather elect a man who had an affair with Frank Sinatra than one who threw away his Vietnam war medals.

But in a positive development for the Kerry campaign, Senator Kerry today was named “Employee of the Month” at a Kinko’s in Abilene.

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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, the first-ever recipient of the National Press Club's Award for Humor, is a former president of the Harvard Lampoon,and a regular humor columnist for, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author of, most recently, "The Borowitz Report : The Big Book of Shockers" Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.


© 2004, Andy Borowitz