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Jewish World Review July 27, 2004 / 9 Menachem-Av, 5764

Andy Borowitz

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Consumer Reports

Bill, Hillary speak

First time in six years, experts say | Former President Bill Clinton and Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-NY) made history at the Democratic convention in Boston last night, speaking for what was believed to be the first time in six years.

The atmosphere was electric at the Fleet Center as Democrats took note of the fact that the Clintons were, in fact, speaking once again.

"It was great to see them speaking," said Jake Crandall of the Arizona delegation. "It's been too long."

According to Dr. Kevin Hoban, a political scientist at the University of Minnesota, last night's appearance by the Clintons broke a lengthy spell of "the silent treatment" initiated by Sen. Clinton that dates back to mid-1998.

"The fact that the Clintons are now speaking, and on national television to boot, sends a powerful message to all Democrats that it is time to put past differences behind them," Dr. Hoban said. "It's also significant that Hillary did not throw anything, like a lamp or an ashtray, at Bill during his speech."

For his part, President Clinton downplayed the six-year-long conversational hiatus between him and his wife, telling reporters that it was mainly due to "scheduling problems."

"Hillary and I really enjoyed speaking last night," Mr. Clinton said. "I'm sure we'll speak again someday."

In other convention news, party officials announced an official role for former Vermont Governor Howard Dean, saying that he would scream out the list of states during the roll-call vote Wednesday night.

Finally, a group of domestic extremists who had planned to mess up the convention abandoned those plans today, saying that the Democrats were "more than capable" of doing it themselves.

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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author of the just released "Who Moved My Soap? The CEO's Guide to Surviving in Prison and "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" , "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.


© 2004, Andy Borowitz