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Jewish World Review July 1, 2003 / 1 Tamuz, 5763

Art Buchwald

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Consumer Reports


Fund-raising dinners


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | President Bush is crisscrossing the country with a vacuum cleaner, sweeping up millions of dollars along the way for his campaign.

What is not known is that the reason the $1,000-a-plate dinners have been such a big success is because of the food that's served.

The person in charge of catering these fund-raisers is Karrell Rov, a three-star Republican chef who keeps a low profile.

He told me, "We have raised a $100 million so far and three quarters of it has been because of the food we serve at the banquets. You can't charge people $1,000 and serve them spaghetti and meatballs. Lobbyists and corporations would never buy tables if they thought they were going to be served canned tomato soup."

I said, "I read that at the big Bush fund-raiser in Washington, only hot dogs and hamburgers were served."

He said, "It was a big mistake. Many of the big givers refused to come. We'll never do that again."

"How do you decide on the menu?"

"We always have an ethnic dish to start with."

"Like coquille St. Jacques?" "That's French, stupid. We might start with Cape Cod oysters to please the New England givers. We would serve it with a modest 2001 Far Niente Napa Valley Chardonnay."

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I said, "It's the best way for Bush to say he no longer has any hard feelings about California."

"Exactly. The next course would be Dover sole from Britain to thank them for what they did for us in Iraq, then a Georgia peach sorbet, followed by the main course, which is quail on a sword. Most of the lobbyists are bird hunters and quail is their favorite delicacy."

"Quail is expensive," I said.

"Possibly, but we have to serve dishes that win the hearts and minds of the big givers. We place a bottle of Opus One on each table."

"Does the president become personally involved in the menus for his fund-raisers?"

"He doesn't miss a beat. He meets with me even before he meets with his speechwriters and he insists on having a tasting dinner with Vice President Cheney. If they don't like something, I have to start all over again. Once I did a fund-raiser in Maryland and wanted to serve Virginia ham. The president said, 'Maryland is crab cakes," and Cheney said, 'Virginia is for ham.' They think alike. That's why they get along so well."

"You didn't finish what you would serve at a fund-raiser."

"Salad with sliced oranges from Florida and brie cheese from Wisconsin."

"And for dessert?"

"Baked Alaska, of course. This always goes over with the lobbyists who want to drill for oil there. I end with a sparkling pinot noir to toast the president."

"What a dinner," I exclaimed. "Any Republican would donate a $1,000 for that meal."

Karrell said, "If you get people to donate $10,000 to the Party, we'll send someone to your house to cook your dinner there."

I asked, "Why don't the Democrats have good meals at their fund-raisers?"

"They aren't gourmets. All they serve is comfort food."

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Art Buchwald's latest book is "We'll Laugh again." To commnt on his column click here.

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