Jewish World Review April 23, 2004 / 2 Iyar, 5764
Saddam demands jury of megalomaniacs
Trump, bin Laden Top Madman's wish-list
The French lawyer representing Saddam Hussein in his upcoming trial for crimes against humanity said today that the former dictator is entitled to a jury of his peers, which in his case means "a jury packed with world-class megalomaniacs."
The attorney, Jacques Verges, said that Saddam had already drawn up a "wish list" of potential jurors for his trial, topped by al-Qaeda honcho Osama bin Laden and real estate mogul Donald Trump.
"Saddam wants to put together what is basically an all-star team of megalomaniacs, and that team wouldn't be complete without those two guys," Mr. Verges said.
But within hours of Mr. Verges's announcement, a spokesman for Michael Jackson indicated that the self-styled King of Pop would be fishing in the same jury pool as Saddam.
"Michael is determined to get Osama and Trump on his jury and if it means going toe to toe with Saddam Hussein, so be it," the spokesman said.
Legal experts fear that the potential jury pool of megalomaniacs may become woefully overtaxed in the coming months, especially with actor Robert Blake and record producer Phil Spector coming to trial soon.
Mr. Verges agreed: "My biggest regret as we put together Saddam's jury is that it doesn't look like Martha Stewart will be available."
In other news, the Bush campaign revealed today that it has started broadcasting anti-Kerry attack ads on the planet Mars.
Acknowledging that there is no one on Mars capable of seeing or hearing the ads, a campaign spokesman said, "We had so much money lying around we just kind of decided, what the hey?"
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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author of the just released "Who Moved My Soap? The CEO's Guide to
Surviving in Prison and
"Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" , "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.
© 2004, Andy Borowitz