Jewish World Review March 20, 2003 / 16 Adar II, 5763

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Gulf War, a golf war? U.S. presses to end war before Masters Tourney

http://www.jewishworldreview.com | At the request of Martha Burk, chairman of the National Council of Women's Organizations, the Pentagon is accelerating its battle plan in order to complete the Iraq operation before the Masters Golf Tournament, at Augusta National.

The country club, whose refusal to admit women is the flashpoint for the most important women's issue in a generation, could postone the tournament currently scheduled for the week of April 12.

However, U.S. military commanders said they don't want to see that happen.

"I've been looking forward to the Masters," said an unnamed Army General. "This year should be the best ever with the addition of Ms. Burk and Jesse Jackson's group protesting. All of the men and women here at the Pentagon can't wait to see it, so we're going to speed up the war."



JWR contributor Scott Ott publishes the satirical website ScrappleFace.com, whose motto is "News fairly unbalanced. We report. You decipher." Comment by clicking here.

Up

03/19/03: France proposes using metric hours for ultimatum
03/18/03: Airport screeners halt Hussein exodus
03/17/03: Encryption experts work to decipher Kaptur comment
03/14/03: U.S. to Return Statue of Liberty to France
03/13/03: CIA Leaks Again: Shhh! Don't tell bin Laden
03/12/03: "We're damaging these homes and vehicles as a form of political speech"
03/11/03: Bush caves in to Russian and French veto
03/07/03: Speechless: U.N. delegates await translation of Bush remarks
03/06/03: Moseley-Braun Drops Hyphen, Hopes for Sponsor Deal
03/05/03: Bush Admits to Belafonte's 'Possessed of Evil' Charge
03/04/03: Powell continues 'saber rattling' in Pakistan interview
03/03/03: Daschle demands release of top al Qaeda operative
02/28/03: Rather to interview prez on same terms as Saddam
02/27/03: U.S. accepts Saddam's latest proposal
02/26/03: 'Win Without War' releases new talking points
02/25/03: Blix orders Iraq to destroy 'human shields'
02/24/03: Secret U.S. Plan for Cyber-War to Feature Windows XP
02/21/03: Gephardt insists he's really running for President
02/20/03: French President changes name to 'Chiraq'
02/19/03: Chirac offers new EU members 'Freedom of Silence'
02/18/03: Meteorologist Fired for "Positive" Snow Report

© 2003, Scott Ott