Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• CNN says a small plane made an emergency landing at Riviera Country Club in Brentwood on Saturday. The engine had cut out and the pilot had to glide onto the 6th fairway and ease to a stop in a sand trap. Everyone was safe until the golf cart arrived to pick them up and John Elway was driving.

• Prince Harry told the BBC he and Meghan want to return to the Royal Family and patch things up. They gave their last interview seated with their dog Guy. After listening to Harry and Meghan whining about their lot in life Guy suddenly realized he was NOT cut out to be an emotional support dog.

• Tom Cruise received a U.S. Navy medal for how his Top Gun movies help Navy recruiting. It's tough being a movie star because your career is at the mercy of your latest movie's first weekend box office and reviews. Alec Baldwin's movie Rust finally came out and critics call his performance aimless.

• Kamala Harris got rough reviews of her San Francisco speech Thursday in which she likened Democrats to elephants who shelter together when they're threatened and not scatter. Fox News host Raymond Arroyo told Kamala to get a thesaurus, which itself was stupid. They've been extinct for a million years.

• Elon Musk and his DOGE engineers told Fox News they uncovered many government agencies with duplicate functions and cut them. It has resulted in consolidation. Friday it was reported that 177,000 jobs were added to the U.S. workforce in April, most of those jobs being taken by Marco Rubio.

• The White House reported several trade deals are near and Trump thanked King Charles for his invitation to join the Commonwealth. Trump thinks on a higher plane than most businessmen. He's figured out the most infuriating way to kill Canada's tariffs on U.S. goods is to rejoin the British Empire.

• Socialist Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez of New York City topped all the recent polls of party hopefuls to be the Democratic presidential nominee in 2028. That's when the Trump Era comes to an end after 13 years. By 2028, AOC may be exactly what America needs in the Oval Office, a bartender.

• President Trump told House Republicans to have his Great Big Beautiful Bill done by Memorial Day to help make Make America Great Again. Every bill passed and signed into law seems to take on a life of its own. A U.S. government agency is the only thing on earth that outlives Madagascar turtles.

• President Trump issued an executive order Friday eliminating all U.S. government funding for National Public Radio. That's good news for auto insurance companies. Those soft low droning voices that put you to sleep are responsible for more car crashes than our Japanese immigration quota.

• An American Heritage panel rated Donald Trump as the vainest president in all U.S. history. All presidents are vain. Joe Biden had a facelift, Jack Kennedy had his secretaries massage his hair and every night before he went to sleep, George Washington would place his teeth in a jar of Lemon Pledge.

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