April 16th, 2021


Out of Touch and Glad of it

Greg Crosby

By Greg Crosby

Published Dec. 16, 2016

Out of Touch and Glad of it

It has become ever more apparent as time goes on that I am out of touch with, well, just about everything.

Keeping abreast of what's what in this life requires constant work and I happen to be at a stage now where I am looking for ways to decrease my workload, not add to it. It's not that I'm lazy (not all that lazy, anyway); it's just that I really don't see an advantage for me in having to keep up with everything new.

Believe it or not (and you should believe it since I never, or very seldom lie) there was a time when I kept up with current advances in technology, the newest trends in pop culture, fashion, music, and many other new fangled things that were going on around me. As a younger fellow I thought it was beneficial to be "up to the minute," (as the expression used to be, I don't know what today's expression would be). Undoubtedly I thought that being "with it" (another old expression) would put me in good stead with my peers, especially the young ladies.

At this point in life I am not looking to impress the young ladies with my fashion acumen or grasp of the current pop culture scene. There's only one woman I need to please and fortunately she has as little interest in keeping up with what's new as I do. Actually we're happy if we can keep up with what's old, let alone what's new.

When it comes to clothing I find it best not to look at fashion trends. I don't look to Milan or Paris, I look in the mirror. I only listen to one clothing expert, my body. I wear what my body tells me to wear, and because my body is my friend it never lies to me. "Listen, Greg," it might say, "I don't care if all the boys are wearing trousers that are skin tight and six inches lower than their waist, it's not for you, that's all there is to it!"

As I've often pointed out, I've gone about as far as I care to go with electronics. I have no desire to "take my music with me wherever I go," as the commercials say. I listen to my music in the car. I listen to my music at home. I don't need to listen to my music everywhere. What's wrong with being totally engaged in whatever place you happen to be at? Not that I'm always happy with where I am, but I think it's healthier to be aware of my surroundings.

I use my desktop computer for work, for information and for entertainment, just as most people do I suppose. What's different with me is, I don't want to travel with a computer every place I go. I don't have an iPhone or a smart phone; I have a plain old-fashioned cell phone.

The phone I have is smart enough; it makes and receives phone calls. That's it. As long as I remember to charge it, it does its job. Which is more than I can say for myself much of the time.

Our language is in a constant state of change and I refuse to keep up with it. Terms and words for things are just not the same as they were even a few years ago.

Now it is "wellness" instead of "health." "No problem," instead of "thank you."

"Issue" instead of "problem." So why change a perfectly good word with another word? It's a way of showing how "cool" one is. Since we've already established that I have no desire to be cool, you know I'll only be using the old tried and true words, starting with substituting "cool" with "the cat's pajamas."

Unfortunately our language is also becoming more vulgar as time goes on. I'd like to lead an effort to bring back clean-cut euphemisms. If "dad gum it" and "gall darn it" was good enough for Gabby Hayes it should be good enough for us now.

Name-calling could definitely be toned down too. Instead of offensive profanity try using nincompoop, crumb bum, louse, or creep. If you prefer you might go The Three Stooges route and use nitwit, lamebrain, knucklehead or porcupine. Jerk is always a good one, as is imbecile and dipstick. Personally I've always found jackass to be satisfactory for almost all occasions.

To sum up, I'm content to be "out of touch." But as we all know, trends come and go. What is in today could be out tomorrow and vice versa. But what worries me is what happens if being out of touch suddenly becomes the "in" thing?

Where does that leave me?