Never so much as it is now that I'm alone

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Happy Jewish New Year!

Rosh Hashanah is a time of prayer, a time to ask G od to grant us a year of peace and prosperity. It is a time of self-reflection and repentance, a time of remembrance and the time when G od judges us for the past year and inscribes us in his Book of Life. Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur together represent the High Holy Days, the most sacred of all Jewish holidays.

For me, this will be the first High Holidays in 47 years that I won't be observing with my wife, Jane, the love of my life and the guiding light in our Jewish home.

She passed away last April. As you might expect, I have a lot of self-reflection, repentance, and remembrance to cope with this year. More so than usual. The Holiday just isn't the same without her. But then, life itself isn't the same without her. I have a huge hole in my heart. That little woman of mine had a giant impact on me, more than I can ever express or expect others to understand.

I'm alone now, so I light the candles and say the prayers, not Jane. For decades my family came to our house for Rosh Hashanah dinner, the dinner that Jane always enjoyed making.

Jane used to cook for days. She made brisket, kasha and varnishkes, asparagus, apple sauce (from scratch) and she baked rugelach. This year I picked up brisket from a deli, I made roasted asparagus, my sister made the kasha and varnishkes, my brother bought rugelach. It was all very nice. But it wasn't the same, not at all.

As I begin the High Holy days, culminating with Yom Kippur, I do it without Jane being with me. It has always been a solemn and introspective time, but never so much as it is now that I'm alone. Yes, I do have G od with me, I know that. He is with me and with His blessing I will get through the Holiday without my sweet wife. He will help me carry on. And I know that Jane is with Him and maybe, just maybe she is helping Him watch over me too.

I will keep this column short this week. I didn't want it to be a rambling self-pitying heart wrenching read, especially at this important time of the year. But I'm afraid it is just exactly that. I'm sorry. Another thing to repent, I guess.

I end with my sincere wish to you all for a Happy and inspirational New Year. Spend it, if you can, with your loved ones. And cherish it.

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