A Few Words with Donald Trump

ME: "Here we are with Donald Trump. Welcome Mr. Trump and thank you for agreeing to be interviewed in my column."

TRUMP: "To tell you the truth I don't know why I'm even here. I mean, who are you? I never even heard of you, actually. Why I have agreed to spend my time being interviewed by a nobody is a tremendous mistake on my part, I have to tell you. No, no it's my fault completely, I take the blame for this totally and I'll probably regret it. But I'm here, so go ahead. Ask me what will undoubtedly be a stupid question."

ME: "Mr. Trump . . . "

TRUMP: "Mr. Trump, very good! Nice start. Mr. Trump. So far you got everything right, I'll tell you that. Yes, my name is Trump. You must have a master's degree in journalism. Go ahead! Ask your question."

ME: In as few words as possible, tell us why people should vote for you for president.

TRUMP: "Well, number one I don't do Ôas few words as possible.' That's to begin with. Why should people vote for me? I can tell you this; I'm going to make this country phenomenal. When I'm president I'm going to get all the illegal immigrants out of this place so fast, it'll make your head spin. I can do it, I'm rich. People can't get jobs, because there are no jobs, because China has our jobs and Mexico has our jobs. They all have jobs. Mexico and China are not our friends, believe me. But I can work with them. Some of them are fabulous, fabulous people, quite frankly.

"I have to tell you, I will make America strong again, I can promise you that. I will be the greatest jobs president that G0D ever created. Believe me. Politicians don't have a clue, I guarantee you. It's true. I have hired many millions of people. I am rich, really rich. I know how to put people to work, this I can tell you.

"And I will tell you this, I love the military. They're phenomenal. I want to have the strongest military that we've ever had. We have wounded soldiers, who I love, I love — they're great — all over the place, thousands and thousands of wounded soldiers. I will take care of them, I can absolutely guarantee that.

"America isn't great any more but we will make it great again. I will work with every country in the world. I know how to deal with people. I know the smartest negotiators in the world. I know the good ones and I'll put one of them in each country. Believe me, folks. We will do very, very well, very, very well.

ME: "Will you accept donations from private parties?"

TRUMP: "I don't need anybody's money. It's nice. I don't need anybody's money. I'm using my own money. I'm not using the lobbyists. I'm not using donors. I don't care. I'm really rich. Trade. We're going to fix it. Health care. We're going to fix it. Women's health issues. We're going to fix it. I've had tremendous success fixing things, I will tell you that. It's very simple. I can fix things."

ME: "Mr. Trump, Russian president Vladimir Putin is sending troops, aircraft, helicopters and tanks into Syria right now to prop up a U.S. enemy, Bashar al-Assad. Our country's top generals have said that Russia presents the greatest threat to our national security. What would you do to stop Putin?"

TRUMP: "I would talk to him. I would get along with him. It's very simple. I believe — and I may be wrong, in which case I'd probably have to take a different path, but I would get along with a lot of the world leaders that this country is not getting along with. I will get along — I think — with Putin, and I will get along with others, and we will have a much more stable — stable world. I promise you."

ME: "Mr. Trump, don't you think maybe we should do more than just talk to Putin? He has been pushing us around for years now. Isn't it time for the U.S. to assert itself, to get back into the world in a position of leadership?"

TRUMP: "What are you kidding me? How many hotels have you built? You say such stupid things. I'm rich. I'm very, very, very rich. How rich are you? Please! You're embarrassing yourself, I have to tell you. And your face! Who would listen to anything you have to say with a face like yours?"

ME: "Thank you Mr. Trump."

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JWR contributor Greg Crosby, former creative head for Walt Disney publications, has written thousands of comics, hundreds of children's books, dozens of essays, and a letter to his congressman. He's also a Southern California-based freelance writer.