April 11th, 2021


USA Going to Pot

Greg Crosby

By Greg Crosby

Published August 29, 2014

USA Going to Pot

At the recent 2014 Annual Primetime Emmy Awards Sarah Silverman strolled down the red carpet and made sure every correspondent was fully aware of her pot pipe that she keeps in her purse that she uses with liquid marijuana. One report said that she arrived "clearly high" and had "wasted eyes." Silverman proudly announced that pot was an important content of her purse, and she'd take a hit, or more, at one of the Emmys after parties.

If she had done the same thing with a flask of gin instead of pot, she would have been considered a total loser. But in her foggy mind pot is cool and edgy. Yeah, about as cool as arriving at a PETA banquet in a fur coat and about as edgy as a beach ball.

For someone in show biz these days to announce to the world that they do pot is about as daring and cutting edge as declaring that they are politically liberal. The media elite have, in their infinite wisdom, decided long ago that using marijuana is not only perfectly okay, but actually the truly cool thing to do. Haven't you heard? All the hipsters do it, bro.

And get this; a cannabis-infused fizzy drink is now on sale in the state of Washington as part of the ever-expanding market for legal pot products. That's right, you don't have to smoke it anymore. Hell, you don't even have to eat it in brownies, we're putting it in soft drinks! It's been less than two months after recreational cannabis has become legal in Washington and already someone has figured out how Washingtonians can get their highs out of a soda bottle.

The drinks, called Legal, come in cherry, lemon and pomegranate flavors and are all infused with 10mg of liquid cannabis. The drinks cost around $10. Hey, this is great for the kids! After all, we don't want the little rug rats to smoke, right? That's too dangerous. Now they can get high drinking THC-laced soda pop with their peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch.

These drinks are being marketed as a gentler alternative to smoking that could be attractive to those still wary about cannabis. Sure, why shouldn't non-smokers get stoned along with everyone else? After all, if it's legal it must be good for you. Oh wait, cigarettes are legal too. And so are deep-fried donuts and 100 proof booze. Never mind, just get high.

This company promises the drink is "so ridiculously relaxing that you may find yourself becoming one with your furniture." The company is hoping to begin selling iced coffee shortly, promoting their Cold Brew as a drink with a mild high that could be drunk with breakfast. "You'll swim off into a day of work or play filled to the brim with pure joy," they promise. What better way to go to work, than to show up at your job stoned. That'll impress the boss!

The pro pot crowd wants the stuff available to everyone and they'll happily tell you that marijuana is not dangerous. It is the drug of the laid-back. No one gets violent when they're stoned, they say. Oh really? How about this little sobering story that happened just about a week ago: A naked man had to be sedated at a hemp festival in southern Oregon after police said he damaged cars, started fights and kicked an officer.

Oregon State Police troopers responded to the Jefferson State Hemp Expo in Grants Pass, Oregon at 12:30 a.m. The first troopers at the scene were led to a grass field where four men were restraining the suspect, who was described as naked, combative and agitated, on the ground. The suspect was identified as being 27-years-old, standing 6'3" and weighing 250 pounds.

When police attempted to take the suspect into custody, he kneed and kicked a trooper several times. Following a struggle, troopers got him into the back of a patrol car, but police said he continued to kick violently. A witness pointed out one vehicle in the parking lot that had sustained heavy damage. Witnesses said the stoner had caused the damage while two frightened women were sitting inside the car.

Medical crews were called to the scene and they determined that the suspect should be sedated so he could be taken by ambulance to Three Rivers Medical Center in Grants Pass for an examination. See how pot makes you laid-back and chill out?

Back in April, two Denver deaths were linked to marijuana use, the first ones on record to be associated with a once-illegal drug that Colorado voters legalized for recreational use, as of January 1, 2014. One man jumped to his death after consuming a large amount of marijuana contained in a cookie, and in the other case, a man allegedly shot and killed his wife after eating marijuana candy. Oh those crazy laid-back stoners.

The mainstream media and pop culture elites continue to say that pot is not dangerous. Ask yourself this, would you rather have your doctor operating on you cold sober or while high on weed? And would you rather have your airline pilot flying the plane cold sober or while doing hits on a bong? Let's get real.

There are no harmless intoxicating "drugs of choice," including pot.

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JWR contributor Greg Crosby, former creative head for Walt Disney publications, has written thousands of comics, hundreds of children's books, dozens of essays, and a letter to his congressman. A freelance writer in Southern California.