Soap Box

There are some questions that can never be answered. What existed before the universe? When did time begin? Which came first, the chicken or the egg? How did Biden get elected? And then we have my favorite question of the moment, when did soap become "body wash" and how did it get so popular?

I've been happily using bar soap my entire life. I like bar soap. I like holding it in my hand. I like scrubbing with it. There is a nice tactile feeling to using bar soap. The only drawback to bar soap is if you should drop it in the shower, slip on it, crack your head open and die.

But other than that, there hasn't been any problem for me with bar soap. (I won't use "soap-on-a-rope." It's just plain stupid.) As I say, I like bar soap. And if it's good enough for me, it should be good enough for everyone in the world. But clearly it isn't.

A quick walk down the soap aisle of any store and you realize that my old reliable bar soap has taken a backseat to the liquid stuff. More shelf space, by far, is devoted to liquid body wash and shower gel than to the bar variety. Which is to say more people want the liquid than the solid.

But why is that? What is the draw? Do people find the liquid easier to use? I mean, how complicated is it to wash with a bar of soap? Actually, the bar is far easier. There's no fumbling around with opening the bottle cap, or having to think how much of the goo to pour out. You just pick the bar up out of the dish and you're good to go.

Yes, I've tried using liquid soap in the shower and I do not care for it one bit. I don't like having to use my hands to apply soap directly to all the hills and dales of my body. Call it a quirky hang-up, but I would rather not get that familiar with myself thank you very much. I rather prefer having a bar of soap between me and my body. Also, I tend to use far too much of the liquid. I'm sure the manufacturers figure on that.

I don't mind using the liquid to wash my hands with in public rest rooms, that's where it actually makes sense. At home I still prefer my bar (bar of soap, that is). Once in a while I use the Boraxo powered stuff, which is unbeatable for heavy duty grease and grime. It's quite abrasive, which is why I wouldn't use it in the shower unless I was tarred and feathered.

In general, I tend to straight forward brands with straight forward scents and names. Ivory. Dove. Palmolive. Dial. Lifebuoy. Camay. Irish Spring. Coast. Zest. Lux. You know what you're getting with these. These are the brands I grew up using and I understand them (as much as anyone can understand soap).

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Frankly, I don't know how the name Irish Spring was chosen as a name for bath soap. I can see the marketing geniuses sitting around a conference table saying, "Hmmm, what is the most refreshing season of the year?" "Winter?" "No, too cold." "Oh, I know, it's springtime! And what is the cleanest country on earth? Ireland! That's it, Irish Spring!" I guess it sounds more appealing than Bombay Summer. I generally choose which soap I want based on the color and the aroma.

But the liquid soaps confuse me. First you must choose whether you want body wash, shower foam, or cleansing gel. Once that is decided then you can pick the body cleaning product which best suits you. Consider the names. Deep Moisture. Pistachio Cream. Coconut Milk. Restoring Body Wash with coconut Butter and Cocoa Butter. Gentle Exfoliating.

Pampering Shea Butter with Warm Vanilla. Silk Glow. Cucumber with Green Tea. Winter Care. Soothing Care for Sensitive Skin. Renewing Body Wash with Peony and Rose oil. Relaxing Body Wash with Lavender and Chamomile. Rejuvenating Body Wash with Pomegranate and Hibiscus Tea. All of the above are from one soap brand; Dove. Other brands have multiple line-ups as well.

I read somewhere that the early Romans made soaps in the first century of the Common Era from urine. You heard me. Urine soap. Which gives new meaning to the phrase "getting p***ed off." No information survives as to product varieties that may have been offered such as Soothing Warm Urine with Green Tea or Rejuvenating Shea Butter with Urine Wash. The mind boggles.

Before that the Babylonians were the first people to make soap around 2800 of the Common Era. As far as we know no human bodily fluids were used. They made their soap with fats boiled with ashes. Whose fat and whose ashes were used remains a mystery.

As far as I'm concerned, I'll stick with Irish Spring (even though I'm not altogether sure what Ireland has to do with washing myself).

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