May 25th, 2024


Semper Fruity

Greg Crosby

By Greg Crosby

Published June 3, 2022

Semper Fruity Welcome to June! You know what that means, don't you? Well, once it meant graduation month. Or maybe Father's Day. Or the month for brides. But all that crap is so last century.

C'mon, man! This is 2022 and now June represents Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Intersex, and any other sexual and gender preferences you might come up with Pride Month. Don't believe me? Read the proclamation from our own Imbecile-In-Chief:

"This month, we honor the resilience of LGBTQI+ people, who are fighting to live authentically and freely. We reaffirm our belief that LGBTQI+ rights are human rights. And we recommit to delivering protections, safety, and equality to LGBTQI+ families so that everyone can realize the full promise of America."

This comes just two days after Memorial Day. Interesting that a whole MONTH is given to "honor" these aberrations to human beings when we only give one day to honor our fallen military veterans. There you have it, America's priorities according to the Democrats and the left. And speaking of the military, they're on board the woke train too. The U.S. Marine Corps went full alphabet soup on Wednesday, marking the first day of "Pride Month" with a celebratory image featuring rainbow bullets.

In a statement posted on social media, the Marine Corps said, "Throughout June, the USMC [U.S. Marine Corps] takes #Pride in recognizing and honoring the contributions of our LGBTQ service members. We remain committed to fostering an environment free from discrimination, and defend the values of treating all equally, with dignity and respect." The post used the hashtags #PrideMonth and #USMC and was accompanied by an image of a Marine helmet adorned with six bullets, each a different color, comprising a rainbow.

What the social media post did not divulge, however, is to what extent the U.S. Marine Corps is embracing their woke stance. My secret sources have told me, for instance, that Fruit Loops will be served for breakfast all this month and combat bootlaces will be pink with fuchsia hearts. Rainbow tattoos will be available for all at no expense for the entire month.

In addition, the Marines have made the decision to "transition" permanently from the old-fashioned staid traditions that have clearly held them back all these years to a more progressive, modern attitude and vison going forward. Today's Marines are no longer "the few, the proud." They will now become "The inclusionary community of whatever you got." Some changes worth noting:

A complete line of makeup including lipsticks, eye shadow, eye liner, and blush will now be part of the official Marine gear.

The new Marine Hymn is "Somewhere Over the Rainbow."

Juicy Fruit gum will be packed in every Marine's duffel bag.

And no more "sir," and "ma'am." From now on the proper address to an officer will be "ze or xe or xir, or xem, or xeir."

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Uniforms will be optional. Proper attire will be purely up to the individual; however, certain clothing will be available to any Marine at no cost including halters, panties, stilettos, various colored wigs, and miniskirts.

Haircuts are optional. Hair extensions and dyes will be provided, as will training in braiding and other cosmetology techniques to suit individual tastes.

Lavatories will no longer be gender specific, any marine may use any lavatory they feel most comfortable using.

Saluting an officer has been deemed too patriarchal and not in keeping with modern social values. From now on hugging will be the correct and respectful way to recognize a superior officer.

Marine basic training has been revamped to better accommodate our LGBTQI+ members. Those who choose not to engage in field marches, combat maneuvers or obstacle courses may instead train in musical theater chorus lines. Appropriate costumes will be issued depending on the musical show chosen.

Got a problem with any of that? TELL IT TO THE MARINES!